Just let go of my hand, I've had enough. I'm ready to fly and find what you stole from me. Every time that something goes wrong, I look back at all the empty promises you have uttered in my ear, preventing me from seeing that I deserved better. I just walked in the darkness, wanting nothing more than to find my way out of the maze you trapped me in. But, the closer I got, the more I lost, the more you created, making the darkness expand rapidly around me and causing me to cower in fear. I let the fake illusions in my head tie me down, I tried to believe you were the only person that would care for me.
But, I'm wrong. There is more out there, I can do much more than to always carry the sadness you bring into my life. I can fly. No doubt, I used to love you, but then you taught me that sometimes we have to forget what love is so we can be safe. Destructive thoughts often tried to find their way into my head, I just never let them in. I realized something very important, a foreign memory of the brightness that used to surround me before I met you, how high I made it in the sky. As much as I once loved you, it's time to go. Not only for me but for you as well.
I always thought there would never be separation for the two of us, that we would never lose each other, we promised to always help the other back up. But, instead, you guided me away from myself. My soul, it was slowly fading. I'm like autumn leaves don't know which way I'm going, but it don't matter if it's raining or it's snowing. I was quickly losing myself the more I was with you, and it was enough. So, I left.
I then realized that moving on from you was one of the best decisions I have ever made since I found the wings and the voice that you had taken away from me. Hiding it, with the sole purpose of them never being found. You locked them away, but I found the key. The key was inside of me all along. I admit that I could have tried to leave you sooner, but you were weighing down on me, always expectant of me. It was too much, I was always focused on you, except for who I had to truly focus on, myself.
And now that your weight's come off my shoulders, I realize that I can fly.
I'm listening to my heart, let it guide me, I feel the light.
You were an experience, one that would stick with me forever. Leaving a scar in my heart that will always remind me to never fall into the same pit of despair you mercilessly threw me in. Yes, I will focus on him, but it doesn't mean I have to forget myself completely. I come first, and then my partner. It might sound harsh, but it's the truth. Though I don't think I ever have to watch out for a problem like that, since I found someone that doesn't put their weight on me, but they lift me so we fly next to each other. Taehyung.
He helped me get rid of the images that often flashed in my head, the violent images coming and going without a break. Some of the way you used to hit me, or the names you called me, sometimes of when you actually acted as you loved me. I have noticed that the way I love him is different, it's more real. More passionate, more intense, less forced. He makes me feel good enough, even more than that. He doesn't ignore me and throw me around like a rag doll.
Here is the thing, I always thought life was a race, one that I had to beat in order to have you. For you to love me. I just want to express myself, be a person that isn't scared to show their potential. You kept me from that, saying I was never good enough for a company, or that my skills could be less trashy. The issues that you always gave me simply for existing. That's why I wished to leave and never look back. When did I allow those thoughts in my head? It was a nightmare. Somehow, the barrier I had worked hard on to build so that I was never persuaded by the bad thoughts swimming around my head came crashing down. How? The answer was simple, you fucked me up too much. The punches, the names, everything became too much. The bringing other people home and having sex with them in our bed, that wasn't healthy, and I get angry that I let myself go through that. In my head, there was nothing I could have done to stop it.
Weird enough, I always thanked you for being with me. I took care of you when you needed me to, and I followed what you said without complaining. I honestly considered myself lucky that someone was there with me, I was always there was no point in trying. Things come at their own time. Finally, you came off my shoulders and someone lifted me up. making me fly the highest.
They said it's darkest of all before the dawn.
You were the darkness surrounding me, preventing me from seeing, but he came in and illuminated my life so much that all the darkness was forced to leave. He was the start of my dawn after an endless night without even the stars to keep me company. He showed me the constellations that held the most amazing stories. The best thing that has ever happened to me. With no regrets, we're already gone. I don't have a grudge, thanks for awakening me and letting me meet him.
We now fly high, and wave down as you crawl, looking for someone to depend on. I hope you find someone.
