secret lovesong

19

Rye

I smiled when I turned the car to exit the highway. Just a few more minutes and we would be at home!

I turned my head to the side and awed at the sight of the blonde boy snoring. Andy had fallen asleep an hour ago. After we had started driving he'd told me everything his mum had said to him over the phone. And he told me his hurt, his disappointed hopes of talking things through with his father for one last time. He had started crying again and my heart had arched with every tear, that had left his eyes.

I turned left and off we were on our way to Bristol. Andy shuffled in his sleep and started whining. My head snapped into his direction and I sighed in relief when I saw, that he started smiling again in his sleep.

I'd just decided to focus on the street again, when I heard a faint humming. At first I thought it must had been something on the radio, so I turned down the volume. It took me a while to figure out, that it was Andy, who was making the noise. He hummed a melody in his sleep, that I'd never heard before. It sounded so precious and beautiful, that I wondered if it was one of his own songs. I found myself smiling, but my smile dropped, when I thought back to the fight Andy and I had gone through, before he had appeared in my room today. I loved Andy, I really did. That's why I didn't know the reason, I had chickened out so much, when he had told me, that he loved me.

„Rye, where are we?", Andy snapped me out of my thoughts. „Hey, Fovs. We're almost home. How are you?", I smiled at him. A faint smile spread across his face. „My head hurts as well as my eyes, but I feel a little better.", he shifted in the seat and moved himself up again. During his sleep he had slipped down the seat. He looked out of the window and I forced myself to focus on the street again.

He was so beautiful. His blonde hair was messy from the uncomfortable position he had slept in, his cheeks were blushed and his blue eyes were a little red from crying. He looked exhausted, but he was still so beautiful.

We continued driving in a comfortable silence. After a while I felt Andy's gaze on me. I turned my head and gave him a questioning look. He blushed and answered with a shy smile. And I was the happiest boy in the whole universe.

//

I hadn't informed my family, that Andy and I were coming. I realized it the second I pulled in the driveway and the bright lights of the house greeted us. I quickly scanned the windows. Mine and Robbies room were dark, as well as the room of the twins. They were probably asleep already or secretly playing video games under their blankets. My parents room was dark as well, but the shining lights in the kitchen and bathroom let me assume that at least one of them was still awake. I parked the car and laughed a little when I spotted a little head popping up in the window of the still dark room. I chuckled. Secretly playing video games, I'd known it!

Andy shot me a confused look and I silently shook my head. He looked even more confused, but shrugged his shoulders and started to get out of the car. I followed him and together we walked towards the house.q I pulled out the keys and opened the door quietly. We walked through the corridor, passed the bathroom and walked straight into the kitchen. My mum was sitting on the kitchen table, talking to someone on the phone. She turned around as she heard our footsteps on the kitchen floor.

"Oh, they're here. Thank you for calling! Goodnight!", she ended the call. I frowned, but started smiling, after she had put her phone down and looked at me. And she didn't look happy at all. "Good evening, mom!", I greeted her, trying to make the situation less awkward but I failed hopelessly. "Oh, don't give me good evening, young man! I was already asleep when Robbie called, telling me that you and Andy disappeared after you've looked yourself in your rooms for days. We were worried!". I immediately felt bad.

"I'm sorry, I should have called, but I texted into our groupchat! Robbie knew we were coming here! I'm sorry, that he does not properly read his texts.", I answered. „Don't blame your brother, Ryan! He was panicking! He- Andy, love, are you okay?", she interrupted herself, her eyes now on Andy. She took a closer look at the boy, who was half hidden behind my body. His eyes and the tip of his nose looked way more red in the bright kitchen light, his skin was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. He looked miserable, but still beautiful. Slowly he shook his head and I realized him tearing up again.

„No, Mum, he's not. That's why we came here.", I whispered and looked at her, now concerned, face. My mum loved Andy like he was her son. Sometimes I even had the feeling that she loved him more than her actual sons. The moment the first tear left Andy's eyes and rolled down his cheek, she crossed the kitchen and within a blink she had wrapped her arms around the small blonde boy and I was being pushed aside..

My heart broke as I watched Andy clinging onto my mum, sobbing into her shirt. I knew that he needed her, a person who was like a second mum for him, but I somehow still got very jealous of the situation. I wished I could be the one holding him, calming him. „Make some tea, Rye! Please!", my mum commanded through Andy's sobs and I obeyed without hesitating.

Two hours, it was nearly 3am by now, a few cups of tea and a long talk with my mum later, Andy and I excused ourselves to bed. I followed the blonde boy into my room, him knowing the way as good as myself. It felt so normal to have him here, here in my house, in my room, that it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. We entered my room and I felt two arms hugging my body and a warm face snuggling into my chest.

„Thank you so much, Rye!", Andy whispered. He sounded so grateful, that I couldn't help myself but wrap my long arms around his tiny body and just hold him tight against me. „Anytime again!", I whispered back. I leaned in to kiss his forehead. The feeling of his warm soft skin against my lips brought me back to reality and I took a step back. What had I done? Awkwardly I stared at him. He looked confused. Quickly I walked to my dresser, pulled out two shirts and gave him one. „Here, you can sleep in it!", I said, trying to cover the shaking in my voice.

Damnit Ryan, why did you kiss him? Okay, you've done this daily in the past, but it was different. It was before... before you knew, that he loves you, before you fell in love with him, before you pushed him away and hurt him.

Embarrassed and confused I changed into the shirt and crawled into my bed, not paying any attention to Andy. I covered myself with my blanket and turned to face the wall, trying not to think about the fact that I just had managed to make things awkward between us again within a minute. I heard Andy switching of the lights and making his way towards my bed in the dark. Then I felt the mattress shift beneath me and my heart started racing.

„Rye?", Andy asked into the dark. I decided to pretend that I was asleep already, because I was scared Andy would start asking questions about our fight. Yes, I loved him, but I was not ready to talk about it yet. I wasn't ready to face my feelings and the consequences they were bringing with them. I felt Andy scooting closer towards me and felt him leaning his forehead against my back, hesitating because he probably was afraid to touch me any more.

„I love you even more after what you did for me today! I don't want to fight anymore and if being friends is the only way to be near you, I will deal with it.", Andy mumbled, more to himself than for me to be heard. My heart arched at his words. If he only knew how hard I was trying. A tear slipped trough my closed lids and I had to control myself not to cry out lout, when I heard the sweet melody I'd heard in the car before combined with the sweetest words:

„Be happier baby
When you're with me
I feel complete, yeah I feel complete
Just hold on to me"

A/N

The old story cover started to bore me so I made a new one :) hope you like it!

Lots of love xx