It Just Happened || YeonBin

48

~~im sorry~~

Maybe, it really was his fault for expecting too much. Maybe, he shouldn't have become too assured that everything could fall back easily in its place.

He should've seen in coming.

Soobin should have known.

However, he didn't. He actually thought that he could still fix the thing between him and Yeonjun, but instead of filling the gap that appeared between the two of them, it continued to widen.

It widens and it widens far away for him to touch—too far away for him to save what remains.

He admits, it was painful to see the both of them drifting apart. And, as ironic as it sounds, he feels Yeonjun's absence more right now that he's back.

Soobin hates himself for thinking like this—heck, it isn't even in his nature to pay attention on mattes like this but here he is, pouring all of his attention and focus on this thing more than he's supposed to.

How can he even explain this? He's not really good in expressing how he feels considering that he has them hidden for years that he doesn't know where to start.

It's like—compared from before, he could feel the distance between him and Yeonjun more lately that he could almost swear he can measure it.

Sure, they're talking again and are having occasional playful banters but that's basically it. The last time he was able to actually hold the male was from that time he got back home—and that was two weeks ago.

Soobin refused to say this out loud but he misses how it feels like to have Yeonjun in his arms. To engulf his smaller figure in a warm embrace and have his head nuzzle his neck. He also misses having the brunette's hand intertwined with his and having him cling onto his arms just because Yeonjun wants to.

Being able to stare intently at him as he tells a story about his day, dealing with his childish complaints, starting unnecessary debates over irrelevant things, even having harmless arguments over house chores—Soobin misses all of that and a lot more.

And it stings so much to not be able to do that even though Yeonjun's right there. Close enough for him to see, but so far away for him to feel.

Weeks ago, at least, Soobin had a reason why they weren't able to do those things again because Yeonjun's away—but now?

He doesn't even know why he couldn't.

It's like—he feels as if he isn't allowed to? Like, there's something invisible that's keeping them apart and it's maddening because they couldn't be too close.

He can't be too close—although he desperately tried to be.

Yes, Soobin did try, a lot of times in fact, but it seems as if Yeonjun was dodging each of his attempts unconsciously.

He's always out, always has reasons why he'll be home late, always pre-occupied, always dazed, always in deep thought and always, always out of Soobin's reach.

Even if Yeonjun's actually at home, in front of him, it felt no different from when he was away because he'll always drift off to somewhere anyway and when Soobin tries to ask him what's wrong he'll just smile and brush it off, saying he's just tired.

It went on and on like that with Yeonjun avoiding questions, avoiding confrontations, avoiding touches and avoiding eye contacts which tears a part of Soobin inside because Yeonjun can't even look him in the eye.