Poetry (15+)

Identity Crisis

Some days,
I realise I'm not getting better.
Then I realise why.
Me.
I'm stopping me from getting better
Because I don't want to.
That might sound wrong
To those who don't think like me.

I'm a boring person.
One of my only interesting qualities
Is being depressed.
So if I lose that
In a way I lose my identity.

I identify as the depressed person.
I know I shouldn't.
Its not something I want to be known for,
But I don't have anything else.
I am nobody.
I'm not interesting.
I have no identity.

I don't know who I want to be.
Who I will be.
Who I am.
Who I was.
I never have know.

That's why I'm attached to being this person
Yet I'm ashamed of it.
I don't want to be this person.
That isn't my identity.
I'm scared of who I am
Without the depression.
Without the anxiety.

If I never had them
Who would I be?
Who would I become?
Who am I going to be if I recover?

That's why its not easy to get better.
I don't want to create a new identity.
Its almost like creating a new me.
They controlled my life for so long
I forgot what I did without it...