Cure To My Aching Soul

36.Only if I knew

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

Ross dropped me back to my place and I headed upstairs as my parents weren't home yet.The spare room which was Shivaay's as for now was dark and something within me felt empty like I was grasping for air though I knew it was a phase meant to pass.It hasn't been a day since we confessed our love and he isn't here.I know I can be demanding sometimes but I wanted him here,with me.I wanted him here to hold me and tell our love wasn't some dream,I wanted him to say he loved me over and over again until my brain stopped harassing me with doubts,doubts about our future,doubts about us.

I opened the door to his room and switched on the lamp lying on the night stand beside the bed.The air around the room reminded me about his absence though it still smelled like his cologne.I slipped off my shoes and made my way towards the bed.As soon as my head met the pillow,I could feel him,sense him,smell his masculine odour.I snuggled further like a cocoon.My heart kept on reminding me of the moment when he said I was the only one meant for him.I never really understood by what people meant when they said ' Falling in love is easier when compared to being in love' and now I knew.I love everything about him even the small gestures he does for me,for the people he loves.I like the way he pulls me close to his embrace in sleep,I love the brother he is for Riddhi,I love the uncle he is for Raunak,I love his compassion for the people in need.There wasn't anything I wouldn't love.

Sometimes when I close my eyes in the darkness,I can sense his torment,the feeling to end everything else,to be liberated.I only wish to be there with him as he fights his demons.I want to be his armour while he sways and churns the sword.His eyes seems to convey everything he isn't able to.He is done fighting,he wants it to end,he wants to be able take a deep breath without having to think about anything else.He wants to escape his labyrinth of miseries.I want all this for him.I want us to unite as a soul without bearing the burden of past,which can't be undone.

My eyelids grew heavier and I finally gave in to the dark night in hope of a bright morning,tomorrow.
****

I stirred in my sleep but the moist droplets on my cheek startled me awake.I mildly opened my eyes to see the man I love,sobbing in silence.When his gaze held mine,he bent down and whispered 'love you' with a soft peck on my forehead.It felt like an ultimate confession.His threads were finally ready to tie a knot with mine.

"Shivaay,"I whispered as if it was a spell that held happiness.

"It's over Anika,it's done."

He whimpered in sadness as if it was finally the time to part ways from something he didn't want to,but had to.I got up and kneeled beside him on the floor.His tears didn't stop.

"Shivaay,you don't have to.You always have a choice."I said,holding his hand between the warmth of my palms.I wanted his pain to seep into me,at least he wouldn't be the only one hurting.

"It's a choice I need to make and I have."

"Not at the cost of your pain,"I choked on my words.Seeing him so vulnerable left me shattered.He was finally opening up to me,it was what I wanted but seeing him hurting,left me in shreds of agony.

"What about yours?"

"I will make peace with it."

"For the sake of mine?"

"I love you."

"That wasn't what I asked Ani."He looked right at me,I could see the pain he was ready to endure for me,for our future.

"This is something I can give up,your past."

"No, it's time you knew."

"Shivaay-"He cut me off.