The Beloved Izabel

Know your place

July 7, 1574

I woke up feeling so horrible, I immediately puked on the side of my bed. I have never felt this horrible. I ask for Emilia to be sent to my chambers and draw me a bath. I sit in the tub of water and remember how harsh I was towards Lorenzo yesterday. "Emilia, set my dress on my bed." I get out and get ready for my day. I head over to my privy chamber and wait for my privy council members to arrive. They are all seated and Lorenzo walks in and looks at me and then looks away. "Your Majesty, we would first like to ask whether after you are married should Sebastian keep his title or should he be referred to as the king of Scotland."

"Sebastian shall be referred to as the king of Scotland but shall always be announced second when he is by my side." We continue to talk about new ports of entry for our goods, and an alliance with Spain. After our meeting is over, I head outside for a stroll. As I'm walking, I admire the tree and beautiful flowers. I start to walk in sort of a flower maze and overhear two people talking. "You have to tell her. We cannot keep hiding our relationship." A woman says and I get closer, "We aren't hiding, I will find a right time to tell her." I would recognize that voice anywhere, its Lorenzo. I get closer and see that he's giving Emilia kisses that are leading down to her chest. I quickly look away; I can't see them together. It's hurts.

After my walk I head to the grand hall and sit on my throne and stare at the ceiling. "Your majesty we have received a letter from Sebastian." One of my servant's hands me the letter, I thank them, and they exit.

My love,

I write to you with upsetting news, I unfortunately will not make it in August. I need just a little bit more time to handle everything before leaving. I will see you in September. How it pains me to have to go another month without seeing your beautiful face. Not being able to kiss you. I wait for the day to have you bear our children, future Kings and Queens. You have taken my heart, my soul, everything. My Queen, I am but a loyal man to you.

Sebastian, King of Portugal

I really wish he didn't have to stay another month. His letter made my stomach flutter, and I wish he was here. I cannot wait to have him here. I think that I've officially had enough bad news for today. I head to my privy council chamber and look over everything that is to be done. I have been questioning whether I should write to my grandmother. I've been feeling quite lonely. The girls and I are no longer who we used to be. I'm a Queen, and we are all busy doing different things. I look up and look at the portrait of my father. "I wish that you were here. I feel so alone." I look down at my hands and twist the ring that is on my finger. It was once my grandfather's, and my mother's; and now it belongs to me.

As I'm working on a few letters that have been written to me by the people I'm interrupted by a knock. "Your majesty, the duke of Savoy wishes to see you." I straighten myself up and tell my announcer that Lorenzo may be let in. He walks in and looks at me before he curtseys. His face looks a bit red, and I can sense he seems nervous. "You wish to speak to me?" Lorenzo moves closer and clears his throat, "Your majesty, I would like your permission to ask for Lady Emilia's Hand in marriage."  Well, I should have seen this coming. I feel not upset but jealous, I could marry him if I wanted to. He knows this and I know it too. I hope that he does love her and isn't fooling her. I look at him, and see in his eyes, the happiness I could have being married to him. I can't. My whole life I've been told to marry of my rank, someone who can contribute to my kingdom. Sebastián can do it all, he is a king and he doesn't question my rule. "Lorenzo, I wish for nothing but the best for you. And Emilia as well, but I can't allow it. I can't have you marry her. I'm sorry but no." I know what I did is selfish, but I can't let it happen.

He looks at me with disgust written all over his face. He laughs and walks back and forth. "I came to ask you out of respect, BUT YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR YOURSELF. You get to marry Sebastian right in front of me!!! And I have to watch and act as if I am happy for you. Emilia fills the void you have left me with. YOU ARE A SELFISH PERSON!" He yells at me, and I can hear the hurt in his voice. I might be selfish, but this is my court, and I will not have him marry her. I take a deep breath in before speaking to him. He is right to be angry. "Lorenzo, please. You have to understand that I am doing this for you and her. I fear that you don't love her the way that she is to be loved. She is there to mend your broken heart. She deserves to have a man who only loves her. I might be selfish, but I know that you don't and probably won't ever love her the way you love me. You are free to go." I say and motion for him to leave.

"You can't have me for yourself Izabel. I will not spend the rest of my days suffering because of you. YOU ARE  ACTING LIKE A CHILD." He looks at me and I can't look back at him. I don't want to see the sadness in his eyes. I know what I'm doing must make me heartless but I can't have him marry her. I stand up and step closer to him. "You may go." is all that I say to him. He looks at me with anger all over his face and makes his way out.