The Beloved Izabel

Giving In

May 25, 1574

It has been five days since my near death experience. My privy council is very fearful and asking that the marriage between Sebastian and I happen sooner.Lorenzo was by my side throughout the whole process, he never left my side. Every night before bed, I heard when he told me that he loved me. My heart broke each time. I feel we both have hurt each other, and our love will end the both of us.

Lorenzo is the love of my life, but it will not work between us no matter how hard we try. Lorenzo is the one that I want to be right. But, we are the end of each other. But I can see Sebastian as the love for my life, that will always work. I have decided to speak to Lorenzo of my thoughts. I wish for it all to be resolved before Sebastian gets here.

"Lorenzo I would like you to accompany me to Edinburgh castle. Please fetch my ladies and meet me outside. We leave now." I say and walk out.

My ladies are in the carriage behind me and Lorenzo is sitting in front of me. "Lorenzo.." He looks at me and I see the sadness in his eyes, "Izabel, I just need you. Once more." And he moves beside me and kisses me. I do nothing to stop him. He starts to kiss my neck and I try to stay as silent as I can. He kisses my breasts, and looks back at me. I nod. He places me on top of him and reaches under my dress and starts removing my under garments. I kiss his neck and reach my hand in his pants. He quickly removes his drawers and places himself under me. "Are you positive" I grab his face and kiss him. That was all he needed.

He grabs the back of my neck and pushes himself into me, I do my best contain myself. He continues to thrust harder and harder into me, I hold onto his hair, while my face is buried in his neck. I bite his shoulder and he continues to push into me. I feel a small amount of pain but mostly pleasure. This is definitely going to be a hard goodbye. "Izabel, you feel so good." He tells me and is now pushing into me faster. He swirls his tongue on my nipple while pinching the other one. I never want it to end. "Izabel, Im going to come." He tells me while thrusting harder.

"No! Lorenzo you can't!" But I can see by the look on his face it is to late. "Lorenzo!! how could you? I cannot be with child before my union with Sebastian." Lorenzo looks at me, "You have nothing to worry about, I cannot have kids. My wife and I.. we tried but it was me. Not her. She had been with child in her previous marriage, but we tried and tried and we were unlucky." "Lorenzo that does not assure I wont be pregnant, this would be the end of me." we wait in silence as we arrive at Edinburgh.

My ladies are preparing a bath, while I pray to god.

Dear god, I have committed an act that can very well cost me my throne. I have allowed the love to consume me and betrayed a vow I promised. I pray to you that I will never let this happen again. Watch over me and assure me that I will not be with child . Please, God I pray to you that I am forgive for my sins. For my love is entirely with Scotland And Sebastian. Amen.

"Your majesty, everything is prepared." I stand and make my way to my bath.

After my bath I ask for Lorenzo to be sent in my chambers. I lie in bed and wait for him. "Your majesty." Lorenzo bows and sits to my side. "Lorenzo.. what we did, it's not right. I'm to be married soon and if I consummate my marriage and do not bleed my woman hood will he questioned. And Sebastian... I do love him, and I've betrayed him." I stand and walk towards my window and look out.

"Izabel, you are the love of my life and if you have to marry Sebastian to be happy, do as you shall. You have had my heart since the day I met you. But what we did is not wrong. We love each other, it was an act of love. Something we have been wanting to do since we met. If you choose to not acknowledge me, then I will still serve you as a loyal servant. But you can not expect me to just wait for you and not continue my life. I will marry and have children but deep down know that it was only supposed to be you." I couldn't even look at  Lorenzo while he was speaking to me. I've hurt him. Only time will tell, maybe it would have worked. When I finally look at him with tears in my eyes, he grabs my face and leaves one more kiss before he leaves.

"Lorenzo. If god believes that we shall be together, it will happen." I say to him as he walks out of my chambers.

I continue to cry, and Margot, and Claude comfort me.