still know both your eyes

both your eyes

"Okay, now close your eyes," Ben said as he put both of his hands on my shoulder. I could feel the warmth that radiated where they lay, his fingers gently grazing over the grey fabric of my tunic. There was excitement that bubbled in my chest, rising up like instant bread. I followed his instruction, too eager to tease.

Ben had told me that morning that he had a surprise for me, for what I didn't know. This wouldn't be the first time. I enjoyed each and every one, and his happiness could be felt for miles after, that beautiful smile lighting up the rest of my week.

"Okay," he rumbled as he shifted around behind me, hands shifting down to my waist and circling around me. "Now hold out your hands." Again, I do as I'm told.

Soft parchment brushes my fingers as it comes to settle in my hands, the texture of it oddly contradictory to that of the ancient Jedi texts I read time and time again. I kept my eyes closed, waiting for Ben to say something but couldn't resist the urge to brush my thumb along the edges of the paper. I wondered briefly what was on the page. Was it more secrets of the Jedi? I knew parchment was extraordinarily hard to come by in the galaxy, the use of holopads dominating the primary forms of communication and preservation.

The sun on Naboo warmed my back when he spoke again. "You can open your eyes now."

What graced me was the most beautiful page I had ever seen.

The parchment was a brighter color than that of the texts, not yet worn by years of age. It was creme, very similar to that of my arm wraps that still adorned my arms, and on it tiny swooping letters ran across the page in gold and black ink. They flitted to one another, connected through precise motion and concentration, so perfect that I couldn't imagine the page without them.

I started reading the words before me, taking a sharp breath almost immediately after I finished the first line. I realized it was a song or poem. The words rhymed and pieced together perfectly. It spoke of destinies and souls intertwined, of how thousands of lives could be lived in a thousand different worlds, and that every time they would find each other.

There was a small sentence written at the bottom of the poem, its font slightly different.

I found you.

A tear escaped from my eye. I brushed it away before it could fall on the page, worried it might mess up the ink.

"It's beautiful," I whispered as I looked up into his eyes. There was something that rested behind his gaze that I had begun to recognize as contentment, a fulfilling emotion that slowly stitched up the broken pieces of us.

"Happy birthday, Rey."

My face must have contorted into some expression he recognized because his face shifted to a quiet conviction. I scrunched my eyebrows in question but he didn't speak, instead waiting for me to say what had crossed my mind at his declaration.

"I don't know when my birthday is."

He looked down at me, a soft smile on his face that I recognized from our months spent learning each other. He knew something I didn't.

"But I do."

The tears were gone now, instead replaced by a disbelieving chuckle. "What? How?"

"I felt you." It's a blunt admission, and one I don't understand.

Ben took a long inhale, and an even longer exhale. "The first ten years of my life, there was nothing. It was indescribable, the feeling. All I knew was that I woke up in the middle of the night breathing heavily, and this crack in my chest was filled, stitched back together.." He chuffed out a dry laugh. "I didn't even know I had a crack until then, but when It was filled." Ben paused, as if thinking through his next thought.

"You filled me, Rey. I was ten. I didn't know what that feeling meant, but It felt like I was breathing for the first time." He stared at me, eyes roving over my face. I knew he was gauging my reaction, memorizing every shift in my expression. I took his hand.

Something crackled between our bond, unresolved pain that we had yet to work through, the promise of a happy future. Two completely different sides of a coin battled against each other in our minds.

"When I lost you. I knew. I knew before I even saw you." There was a choked back sob that escaped from his lips before he could stop it. "I would say It felt it like a saber to the gut but now upon knowing what that feels like I can confidently say it was so much worse." He chuckled through the sentence, trying to alleviate the pressure I could feel building inside him with humor. He really was like his dad.

"I was empty yet again, truly empty. But Rey, nothing was as bad as cradling you in my arms and staring into your eyes knowing I would never see them light up in happiness, never see their fury or their sadness, content, anything."

I rushed up to him and took his face in my hands, setting the parchment down on an elegant bench next to us. He looked down at me eyebrows fixed in a scrunch that I knew meant he was close to collapsing. He didn't need to tell me. I could feel it, in our bond, in the force. My hands winded through his hair as I said, "I'm here. Ben, I'm here. You're with me."

He broke down then, collapsing into my arms. My fingers ran through his hair and stroked the curve of his ears. It was a habit we had seemed to develop, calming both our minds if only for a moment. Ben breathed calmly after a moment and I pushed him back slightly, just enough that I could reach up and kiss him.

It was one kiss of many we had already shared. One kiss of many more to come.

I wouldn't ask for anything on my birthday. Nothing but him.