Exposure

Chapter 20

"Ken and I are moving here," is all I can distinguish until I cut her out. She can't. Yes, I want mom to be happy, but this will tip dad over the edge. He'll start drinking again and then what? He might hurt himself. Besides, what if I don't get into NYU? I will have to come all the way here to see her. She can't drop a bomb like this on Danny and I. Not now. Not yet.

"Why?" Danny asks? We are on our way to NYU for our third campus tour this year. It's my top school, and I want to make sure it's where I want to live for four years. But, at the moment I'm not thinking about that. Im thinking about mom, Ken, and dad. Things are moving too fast, and I can't keep up.

The taxi is silent for a about five minutes. I watch anxiously at mom who keeps glancing at Ken in the front seat. What the hell is going on? I finally can't take the silence anymore.

"Mom, what's going on?" I hold my breath. For some reason, I know what she's going to say. But I wait anyways.

"We are...we are getting married," she says gently. I can't breath. I'm starting to get used to this feeling. I immediately glance over at Danny who holds a puzzled look on her face. I can't tell her emotion, and that scares me because I can always tell what she is thinking. Mom can't get married to Ken. They just met each other. This is rushed, and I don't know why. If this is moms way of coping with the divorce, she needs to figure something else out. I can see that she likes Ken, but she certainly doesn't love him. He doesn't love her either.

"Mom," I whisper gently, so Ken can't hear. His eyes lock with mine in the review mirror. "You're not ready for that. Not yet." I can't think of anyway to put it. If I sugar coat the situation, she won't listen to me. I'm going to have to tell her exactly how I feel, which is going to really hurt her. "You still love dad. He still loves you." Her face remains forward and she smiles lightly.

"I knew this was going to be hard to understand. And it is rushed, but Ken makes me happy."

"And your mother makes me happy as well." So that's it? They're going to marry each other because it makes them happy? This isn't making any sense.

"Mom, I love you, but you can't marry Ken. He's just a summer fling, honestly," Danny says. She rambles on even though Ken is sitting in the seat right in front of her.

"Danny, Ivy. I know this is really confusing and hard to get. But your mother and I love each other. I also know that you don't know me as well as you would like to, but I promise you, I will try my best to make you two feel comfortable around me. I want to get to know you girls too."

"Do you really?" Danny asks. "That sounds like bullshit to me."

"Danny, stop it!" I jump at the sharpness of mom's tone.

"Mom, she's right. Ken doesn't know anything about us. And it seems like you don't either! You've been so caught up in his web that you don't pay attention to Danny and I." How can mom just jump into something like this? And she's not listening to Danny or I because Ken has got her hooked. But what is it about him that she likes so much?

"Ivy, that's not true. You're my daughters! I've raised you!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Stop it, Ivy. You're out of line," she warns.

"Oh, am I?"

"Yes, you are," Ken answers. This startles me. Who is he to tell me that? To act like my dad. Doesn't he realize he's replacing someone else? Someone my mother loves. But she is so sucked into Ken's life, she doesn't realize that she really still loves dad. I know she does.

My heart pumps hard against my chest, and I'm heated. Really heated.

"Well if you know me so damn well how come you didn't know that I've been buying drugs?" Her expression satisfies me. "From the biggest druggy in town. How about that?"