Spider.

Chapter 11 : I'm not dead

 I retired to my room to try and clear the thousands of thoughts in my head. I also wanted to take a look at something I managed to sneak out of Caspar's room. Amelia's diary. If Caspar was right then these pages might give us some answers. My stomach sank. Was I really starting to believe that she was still alive? That the boy who almost strangled me to death today was right? I touched the back of my head, remembering the feeling of that cold wall against my scalp.  I shook my jacket and let the thick book fall to the floor. Then I kicked it under my bed and sat down at my desk. The ripped jeans that I had worn to Jesse's party were still sprawled on top of my textbooks. Just as I was about to pick it up I remembered what Jesse told me earlier that day. I remembered the satisfied look on his face when he asked me about that note. I shoved my hand into the back pocket of my jeans and pulled out the crumpled piece of paper. What it said made my heart skip a beat- and not in a good way.
***
The next day I got to school early to find Jesse. The weather was cold, dull and unforgiving- perfectly matching my current mood. I grabbed my school bag from my car and shut the door. A few other students gave me puzzled looks as I walked briskly toward Jesse's baby blue Mustang. Seeing his car just made me angrier. He was an asshole. He didn't deserve a car like that. I could see his blond head in the driver's seat. He appeared to be going through his phone. I removed the tattered yellow note from my bag and opened his car door.

"Oh hi Kat" he said flashing his supposedly dashing smile.
"You're sick" I spat. I was so angry that I couldn't even come up with a better insult. Jesse cocked his head.
"I've been called worse". He noticed the piece of paper in my hand.
"So you did read my note"
"Yes I read your fucking note. You need help. Urgently."
Even through my rage my voice sounded calm. I turned on my heel and started walking away when Jesse caught my wrist. What is it with boys doing that to me lately?
"I was just trying to shoot my shot. And I thought maybe if I put it in a cute little letter it would be harder for you to say no"
I turned to face him. Shooting his shot? He wasn't making sense.
"How is this-" I wiggled the note in front of his face- "shooting your shot?". He frowned. "Look if asking you to dinner isn't shooting my shot then I don't know what is. You could have just said no instead of making a scene in front of everyone". Now it was my turn to frown. Asking me to dinner? But that's not what the note said, I thought with a shiver. My breath caught in my throat. I looked down at the words on the note again.

I'm not dead
-Amelia

I stumbled back as if the words themselves shoved me. Jesse grabbed my sleeve to keep me from slamming into the ground. "Hey are you okay? Look if I'm making you feel uncomfortable I-" the rest of his words were drowned out by the throbbing in my head. I'm not dead. I read once, twice , five more times. The tiny piece of paper felt heavy and hot in my shaking hands. This had to be a joke. It had to. Amelia was gone. She was gone for good. She couldn't be alive she just couldn't. I looked up at Jesse who was still trying to apologize. The bell rang and he started to slowly back away from me. The throbbing in my head persisted as I walked shakily back to my car.

**** Writer's note****

I started this book when I was in high school with no expectations for it. With the start of University and so many other changes in my life, I've neglected Spider along with any aspirations of writing. I'm not sure what made me login to Wattpad again, but seeing the comments and likes (although they aren't that many) reminded me how passionate I was about this book. Wattpad itself has changed so much and I feel intimidated being back. However I'm certain the Wattpad community is still as helpful as it was and you guys will go easy on me. With that said, I've decided to continue Katherine's story. I will be editing and adding  a few bits to the published chapters first. 

PS: If anyone is willing to walk me through the new features here, please feel free!

PPS: If you're from South Africa, check out my secondhand book store on Instagram, books.and.things.sa

****End of Writer's note****

Once inside I felt the familiar heat of a panic attack wash over me. I tried to focus on my breathing which only made me realize how fast my breathing actually was instead of calming me down. My eyes shut and I braced myself for the images about emerge in my mind. Spiders. Long legs and deep black bodies moved with eerie grace. There were hundreds of them, crawling, jumping, screeching, any efforts me trying to open my eyes were in vain. I waited it out, taking comfort in the knowledge that these episodes only lasted a few minutes. Slowly, the spiders faded into darkness.