Only Time Will Tell

53. Think Things Through

Chapter Fifty-Three

Over the weekend I hadn't managed to catch up with my friends. And so they decided to take me out for a day at the beach. The weather was perfect for the beach so I decided to go for a strapless floral/coral celestial bikini under a pair of high-waist deanim shorts and a silver embellished cami crop top and slipped on a pair of brown sandals.

I tied up my hair and made my way out of the house where Casey and Layna were ready waiting for me in Casey's car.  "Hey! We just have to pick up Mia." Casey told me as I got in.

"That's fine." I smiled.

~***~

"Its good to be away from the boys for a day and just have a day all to ourselves." Casey commented,  as we lay down on our backs, letting the sun colour our skin.

"Well I don't really get much time with Josh anyway so I'm not commenting." Layna said. 

"It must be pretty annoying going to different schools." I told her.

"Its not even that, its just the fact we live so far from each other." She sighed.

"You can't really talk Han, you and Joey dont go to the same school." Mia reminded me.

"Yeah but he's not my boyfriend." I said, in slight surprise,  just realising the truth in what I said.

"What do you mean?" Layna asked.

"Not once has he called me his girlfriend,  and never have I thought of him as a boyfriend." I told them. It was true.

"So he's just a fuck buddy." Casey laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "Without the fucking."

"No fun." Casey shook her head.

"He's just a guy who fullfills your needs, its okay." Layna joked.

"Yes, I can't live without a kiss a day." I laughed.

"So what actually happened when you met up with Kyle?" Mia asked. 

"Nothing good." I sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"I ended up spilling my heart out to him." I told them.

Layna gasped, sitting up. "No! You're kidding."

I shook my head. "No. He told me he missed me and I just spilt out how much I missed him too."

"What did he say?" Casey asked. 

"He said he'll do everything to get my trust back." I told them. "He said he loves me."

"Awh. Thats so cute!" Mia cooed.

Layna looked at her. "The guy cheated on her."

"I know," Mia said. "But he's trying so hard. Do you really not see it?"

"I agree with her." Casey said before turning to me. "Did you tell him you love him too?"

"Wait, you love him?" Layna asked. 

"Well if she didn't she'd get over him ages ago." Casey said obviously. "So did you or did you not?" I shook my head. "Why not?"

"Casey, I cant. I'm with Joey." I told her. 

"Dont you see though, you can't be with Joey Hannah. Being with him will hurt both of you and Kyle." Casey pointed out.

"I think you can be with Joey." Mia told me. "But if you want to be with him, you have to completely forget about Kyle."

"You have to choose Han." Layna said apologetically.

I had already chosen though. It was way too easy. "I know."

"Its Kyle isn't it?" Casey asked.

I sighed,  nodding. "I cant help it."

A grin grew on Caseys face. "Can I start planning the wedding?"

I rolled my eyes. "You know, I chose him, but I don't even know if I'll ever be able to trust him again."

"Give it time." Mia smiled. "What made you choose Kyle?"

I sighed. "Well, I love Joey,  but just not in that way. He's the sweetest guy I know. But I don't feel anything when I'm with or without him you know?"

"What do you mean?" Layna asked.

"Like, when I touch him, I don't feel that spark I felt when I touched Kyle. When I kiss Joey, my heart doesn't skip a beat. I don't feel sad when the kiss ends. When Kyle kissed me, I was all his. Body and mind. It was something completely different." I told them. 

"Awh thats so cliché." Casey teased.

"Thats so Hannah." Layna laughed.

"The other day I noticed something else, " I remembered. "Even though Kyle lives next door, when he left after we hung out, I felt sad, like I misses him, but when Joey drives away, I don't feel anything. Its like a friend dropped me off after a day of hanging out. Just so casual."

"Hannah, I don't want this to sound bitchy, its just based on everything you've said today," Mia said. "But did you even ever like Joey in that way?"

I sighed. "I don't think so."

"You need to tell him Han." Layna told me.

"I can't. He'll hate me. He'll think he was a rebound." I panicked.

"He wasn't though. You were just confused." Layna pointed out.

I shot her a glare. "Great."

"Look, why don't we get your mind off all of this?" Casey suggested. "Your mind is made, now let's go get in the water!" She pulled me up amd dragged me into the sea. As the water covered me, all my worries were swept away.