Locker Room Lust[BXB]

6

Its Wednesday morning and I am dreading going to school. I have to go to class and sit beside him for a whole hour and a half. How the hell am I going to be able to do this? I want to let him in, he wants me to let him in. Im the one stopping us. Im always the one screwing things up for people. This is just like how Lex is closeted because of me or how my parents are going to be devastated when they find out Im gay. I can never do anything right. 

I walk into Mrs. Stevens room right as the bell is ringing and Im not surprised to see Noah already sitting there. Today hes wearing the same black jeans as that night, but at least hes got on a black shirt today instead of a navy one. The pants arent a big deal, or they shouldn't be anyways, but I still feel myself blush as I sit down, memories of that night running through my head.

Did he wear those on purpose? Does he know what their doing to me? Asshole.

The whole class Noah doesn't talk to me. Even when we're asked to discuss with someone around us he turns away from me to talk to a pretty blond girl. Shes obviously flirting with him and by the looks of it hes flirting back. She touches his forearm and laughs falsely. He doesn't make any motion for her to remove her hand so it stays there. Her perfectly manicured nails are a baby pink and I stare directly at them, a sinking feeling in my stomach. Why the hell am I feeling like this? Hes not mine to claim. Finally Mrs. Stevens starts talking again and Noah's attention shifts from the girl beside him to our teacher at the front. I find myself strangely relieved. I shake my head, trying to clear my mind. Im dissapointed when the class ends and Noah still hasn't talked to me.

Lex catches up with me in the hall. 

"Hey bitch!" She yells from behind me.

I would've yelled back but she pulls a travel mug out of her bag before I get the words out. 

"Fuck yes! you are my queen." I say dramatically, bowing at her.

She giggles and we head to biology together. When we're going over a lab write up she gets a notification. When she reads it she visibly wilts. Being the worried friend I am, I snatch her phone from her. I want to know who is making my bestie so unhappy.

"Who is baby girl and why is she saying she doesn't want to see you right now." I ask, already feeling like I know the answer.

"Narnia girl," She answers still pouting.

"And why doesnt she want to see you?"

"Because I told her that I dont know if Im ok with us being a secret anymore."

"Oh shit."

She nods. "Ya, oh shit,"

I dont pry anymore for the rest of the period. I can tell Lex doesn't want to talk about it and I dont want to make her more sad than she already is. 

The second half of the day is as depressing as the first. Now Im worried about Lex on top of everything else. Im sure if she needs something she'll ask, but I still wish I could do something to help her. I also dont know if I should tell her about Noah or not. Shes my best friend but shes going through her own shit right now, I dont want to burden her with my problems too. I do want to talk to someone about it though. Maybe Elias. 

Practice doesn't start till four but Im here anyways so I go into the change room early. When I get in there Noah is already changing. He hasn't noticed me come in yet so I let myself look at his back. He really is quite beautiful. His shoulders are strong and his biceps are built from hitting so much. His back has a perfect dip, and damn that ass. I must have made some kind of noise because he whips around. Seeing that its me he relaxes. I look away, my face getting warm knowing he caught me looking. He smirks and walks closer to me. I back up as he walks forward. Eventually my back presses against the cool lockers. My heart is hammering in my chest. He stops right in front of me. Just like the first time, he stands there, waiting for me to initiate something. I want to. I want to so badly, but I dont think I should.

"Like what you see?" he asks when my eyes roam down his body.

I dont say anything, instead reaching out with my fingertips to graze his abs. He shivers at my touch.  I can tell hes struggling to hold himself back. I start to trail my hand lower, fingers touching the fine hairs above his waistband. He sucks in a breath and holds it before backing away saying "Its not happening again. Thats what you said, so dont tease if it means nothing to you." After that he turns around and puts his practice shirt on. Once fully clothed he walks out, not looking back at me once.

I stand in the same spot, back still pressed against the lockers until Elias comes in. He looks at me and then holds his arms out beckoning me forward. I step forward without hesitating and he immediately squeezes me to his chest. This time I dont cry, I let myself enjoy the feeling of someone holding me. I feel warm and safe for the first time in what feels like forever. Here in Elias' arms I feel free. 

During practice I dont talk to anyone much. After our hug Elias and I got dressed without speaking and then walked out together. He didn't ask what was wrong. He was just was there for me. Its the same now, running the drills. Whenever I space out or mess up an easy play he covers for me, or answers questions that I dont have the energy to respond to. Hes basically doing all my jobs. My brain feels like a heavy fog has gone over it and my reactions are slow. My body moves like lead is filling it. If the team notices, they dont say anything. 

Noah is the exact opposite, he is practicing extra hard today. Hes throwing himself all over the court, slamming balls in the guys faces and yelling extra loud. Usually I would be excited that my team is so ready to play but Noah wont even look at me. I know hes mad cause I cant seem to make up my mind, thats why hes putting everything he has into practice. I dont want him to be mad at me. It feels like Ive done something terrible to him and its eating away at my insides. And for what? Because I was scared? Scared to be with him? Scared of what people would say? Scared of myself? Im still all those things now.

 The only difference is that now I think Noah might be worth being scared for.