Locker Room Lust[BXB]

9

I walk into my first period feeling confused. Noah and I never talked about what we are or about being public. I'm definitely not ready to go public. Holy shit, what if he thinks I'm ready and tells everyone and then my parents will find out and fuck fuck fuck. My thoughts continue to race as I slide into my cold metal chair. I don't even notice Noah as he sits down beside me because I am so preoccupied with thinking about him. 

"Morning," he says casually.

I look over studying him. My eyes calculate everything from his ripped black jeans, his black tshirt, his thin silver chains layered over one another, all the way up to his perfect blond hair that shines with golds and amber. Finally my blue eyes meet his green ones and I read uncertainty in them. He must be as confused as I am, I realize. Quickly I rip out a piece of paper and scribble a short note onto it. I pass it to him subtly and turn my body toward the front of the room, awaiting roll call. I don't see him read the note but I do see a small bit of paper make its way onto my desk. Carefully, avoiding being caught, I open it.

I'll meet you there.

During lunch I sit with Lex. I feel like I haven't talked to her in forever and when I meet her at our usual spot under the big oak tree I instantly feel a wave of relief and comfort rush over me. She looks up when I approach and gives me a half smile stopping me dead in my tracks. The feeling of relief is long gone. To anyone else this wouldn't have been a big deal, but I know better. Lex is always smiling. I mean always. She is one of the most genuinely happy people I know, so when she gives me that sad excuse for a smile I know something is wrong. 

"Tell me"

"There's nothing to tell," she mumbles.

"Lex you better tell me who the fuck I'm going to have to cut before I go and figure it out myself."

"No need for violence, its my fault," she whispers to herself.

"Bullshit its your fault, what in the hell happened."

She takes a moment to respond, pulling her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees.

"She told me she wasn't ready and I thought that was okay. It was okay for awhile, but then it wasn't anymore." 

Her eyes flit over to me and I nod slightly, encouraging her to keep going.

"My mum was crying the other day, about something stupid like work, and mom just went over to her and told her it was fine, everything would work out because they had each other. She told mum that she loved her and then they hugged. I just keep thinking how much I want that. We've been a thing for so long and I'm still not enough for her. I would do anything, literally anything for her and she wont do this one thing for me. I asked her, why I wasn't worth it. She said I should've known from the start that we could never be public. She said that its not her fault that I had somehow made up in my mind that things would change. Then she told me to leave, so I did."

When Alexa finishes ranting her normally bright jade eyes have turned dull and distant. She has tear streaks running down her face and her hands are clenched into fists. Gently I take her hands in mine and uncurl her fingers. I rub circles into her palms, soothing her muscles. She leans on my shoulder and continues to cry.

 Eventually the bell rings to signal the end of lunch but we don't move. We stay leaning on each other for a long time, silent. When Alexa's tears finally stop I speak.

" You are worth more than being someones secret. If she doesn't realize that then you are better off without her anyways. How could anyone want to hide something as special as you?"

She lets out a quiet giggle into my shoulder and my arms wrap tighter around her. 

"What if she was the one?" she asks lowly.

I unwrap myself from her and take her face into my hands, " if she was the one than she would've fought harder to make you stay."

We keep looking at each other for a few more moments before the sadness in her eyes turns to acceptance. 

She nods and then stands up, brushing the grass from her pants as I do the same. I give her one last hug before we head inside, returning to our classes. 

There's no practice today but I go into the locker room after school anyways. When did this become our place? Noah is already there when I walk in. Noticing my arrival he smiles and comes over to me. His footsteps on the cold floor is the only sound in the room. I am so nervous. My heart feels frozen. Noah stops right in front of me and I think he senses my fear. 

" You wanted to talk?" He questions gently.

"Um, ya"

He raises his eyebrows, signalling for me to elaborate.

"IthinkIlikeyoubutIdontwantpeopletoknow"

"Woah! A speed that normal people can understand would be greatly appreciated."

I take a deep breath before repeating myself, " I said, I think I like you but I don't want people to know. My parents aren't really cool with gays and stuff... they cant find out. I don't care about everyone else but if my dad finds out.. .lets just say it wont be pretty." My eyes fall to the floor. I am so ashamed of myself right now. I literally just told Lex that she shouldn't have to be a secret and here I am doing the exact same thing to Noah. I am such a hypocrite.

He doesn't say anything for a minute and my chest starts to fill with dread. Suddenly I feel a strong hand brush under my chin and slide onto my neck. I keep my eyes on the floor. Noah tilts my head up to him trying to make me meet his eyes. 

"Look at me," he pleads.

Reluctantly I meet his gaze. 

" If you don't want to tell people then we don't have to. As long as you are not ashamed of us or anything than I don't care who knows. I just want you. Nobody else matters."

I stand there in shock while Noah waits for a reply. I rush forward and wrap my arms around him. He is startled for a split second before he puts his arms tightly around me. His chin rests on top of my curls, ruffling them slightly when he lets out a content sigh. 

"So you admit you like me huh?" He teases.

I pull back slightly and hit him on the shoulder, " oh shut up!" 

Rolling his eyes he says, "calm down, I like you too dumb ass."