[DISCONTINUED] In The Crowd (Muke)

0.4 - Undescribable

Luke frowned, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling doing absolutely fuck all. It was 10:52 at night and luke had gotten home almost half an hour ago, and the sadness has already hit him so hard. It was just one of those days where he would just lie in his bed and think. About how he loves someone who doesn't know of his existence. About how much he loves someone that will never ever know Luke, let alone love him. I mean, yeah, there's a chance that they can possibly meet, but would Michael even remember him? Probably not. There are thousands of other people Michael will meet, and hundreds of others that Michael will actually find attractive. Not that Michael only finds women attractive, because Luke remembers watching an interview in which Michael clearly stated that he doesn't care who he falls in love with or dates, as long as that person is nice, likes music, and has a sense of humour.

There's a million-to-one chance - no, a billion-to-one chance that Luke would become lucky. Michael will not fall in love with just anyone, that person has to be special. And Luke has a constant fear of never being special enough for Michael, and that fear has enough power to make Luke more depressed than anything else ever could.

There is no words that can explain the way Luke feels towards the boy, Luke doesn't know how to describe it. How does one describe such a feeling that can make you lose your words and become numb to all things negative in the world? It's kind of like when that girl jumps into that hole on Divergent? Like, when she jumps in and lands on that net? You know you'll be caught, but it gives you butterflies in your stomach every time you jump. That's the feeling. You just keep feeling yourself fall in love and getting the butterflies over and over again, and you have no problem with that at all. Because that's what being in love is. You never get tired of that person and what they do, what they say, who they are, the way they smile, the way they act; you never get tired of that one person at all, even if they were the most annoying person ever. Hell, Michael could insult and hurt Luke countless times, and it wouldn't bug him at all as long as Michael was happy. It's like you're so blinded by your love for someone, that you don't see their faults or flaws at all. And maybe that's why people always say that love destroys you. Love destroys every single fibre of your being, and can make you the most miserable person alive. And the worst part? You wouldn't care at all. Because you'd like that feeling of actually being a part of that person's life, even if you weren't at all important.

Now, before jumping to conclusions, Luke is not saying that Michael is a bad person or that he is destroying his life (Even though he definitely is ruining Luke's life, but he doesn't care at all.) It's just the way love can be. But the way Michael makes Luke feel is so incredibly different than being miserable, Michael gives Luke this sense of happiness. Michael is the main source of Luke's happiness. If Michael's happy, Luke's happy. If Michael's sad, Luke's sad. If Luke didn't have Michael, he would be so lost. So lost, and so sad. So terribly sad.

And right now, that's exactly what Luke was feeling. Michael hasn't updated on Twitter or YouTube for a few days now, and it's worrying Luke. What if something happened? But I guess that's the thing about being just a fan. You'd never know what is wrong or what's happening behind closed doors, or if that person that you love and look up to is actually truly and deeply sad inside. It bothers Luke.

Being just a fan hurts. Luke doesn't matter at all to Michael. Luke isn't even real, to Michael anyway. It hurts. There's a deep aching pain in Luke's heart, making him so unbelievably upset, because there is probably no pain that could ever be worse than only being a fan and nothing more. And most people don't understand that. They call it stupid and pointless, when really it's not. A celebrity can make you happier than your best friend could. But in a way that celebrity is your best friend; a sad, quiet, one-sided friendship. But at least you can relate to other people in your fan-base, right?

Luke sighed, sitting up and deciding that it was time for a shower. He stood up and went over to his closet, looking for his pyjama pants. (They had a bunch of tiny little electric guitars on them, they were cute.) He took off his blue beanie and began to walk out the door. But quickly he stopped, rushing over to his night stand and unlocked his phone, opening the Twitter app. His fingers moved across the screen, typing out a tweet to Michael.

'@ michaelclxfford I love you so much you hve no idea. hope ur ok. thanks for existing <3 goodnight handsome .x'

Luke smiled as he sent out the tweet, placing his phone back on the night stand screen facing down, and finally went off to go shower, happy that he could sleep in due to it being Saturday tomorrow and he doesn't have to be at work until 3:30. 7 hour shifts should be boring, but not when all you do is handle guitars all day long. It's amazing.

As soon as Luke walked out of the washroom, his brother Ben walked over to him and asked Luke about his new job.

"Why'd you decide to get a job?" He asked.

"I needed to save up for concert tickets." Luke responded, not bothering to look at Ben and walked to his room.

"Concert tickets? Really, to who?" Ben sounded excited.

"Michael & Calum."

"Who?" Luke rolled his eyes.

"They're YouTubers that are going on tour. They play their own instruments and write their own songs. They only have a few though." Luke answered, drying his hair with his towel, glad that he decided to get dressed while still in the washroom, or this would be a very awkward situation.

"What instruments do they play?" His brother continued bothering him with questions.

"Guitar and bass. They have someone else play drums for their when they're in a studio recording music, and when they're performing it they use a playback of the drums. So they never really have a drummer playing live with them, they're a due performance." Luke mumbled, walking over to his bed and sitting down, falling back and closing his eyes. He smiled to himself when he realised how much he knew about them. It's a gift.

"Oh." Was all that Ben said, finally deciding to leave so Luke could sleep in peace. Luke swung his legs up and pulled the blanket out from under him, covering himself and falling asleep almost instantly.