TAEKOOK | HOPE

•14 speak of the devil

Don't worry .....
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☣

Their last few months as a band are bittersweet. Everything they do feels more significant, from their final performances to the downtime they spend together. Jeongguk finds himself simultaneously wishing for the time to slow down and speed up. He's desperate for a break, but the impending change and separation also scares the shit out of him.

He spends a lot of time with Jimin, the two of them distracting themselves by mapping out the specifics of their trip. They plan to leave soon after the new year, making their way through Southeast Asia, India, and Australia before heading over to South America. Their last stop will be in LA to see Taehyung before they fly back to Korea and face the reality of life post-Bangtan. Jeongguk tries not to think about how empty he's going to feel when that day comes.

Their last show is in early December, and there are massive quantities of tears involved both onstage and when they get back to the dorm. Sitting in their living room, they all get piss drunk and cry as they reflect back on some of their favorite memories together, the night ending when Namjoon stands up to make a speech about them always being a family and promptly knocks over a lamp.

They start moving out of the dorm one by one after that, actual dates of departure determined by their respective families' holiday plans. Seokjin is the first to go, followed by Hoseok and Jimin, and then Taehyung. His eyes are rimmed red as he says goodbye to Jeongguk, Namjoon, and Yoongi, the four of them huddled in the foyer around their front door.

"See you in LA," he mumbles into Jeongguk's shoulder, his hand coming up to cup the back of Jeongguk's neck. Jeongguk squeezes his eyes shut, letting himself ache for one more minute, clutching Taehyung tightly. They haven't held each other like this in ages, and Jeongguk just wants to breathe him in, imprint the smell in his memory until he remembers he's supposed to be forgetting it instead.

"See you," he croaks out, and then Taehyung is gone and Jeongguk thinks he feels his heart break in an entirely new set of ways. Yoongi claps him on the back, and it's all Jeongguk can do to mumble an excuse before he locks himself in his room and lets himself fall apart.

The whole moving on thing is off to a great start.

Jeongguk leaves two days later, and after all the buildup and anticipation, it's almost a relief. His room looks depressingly bare with all of his personal belongings packed up, and the dorm feels quiet and empty now that half the members are gone. It feels fitting that Namjoon and Yoongi are the last two left, having lived together longer than the rest of them to begin with. He hugs them both tightly and promises to be better about responding in the group chat now that they won't be seeing each other every day.

The holidays pass more peacefully than they have in a decade. Jeongguk has so much free time that he doesn't know what to do with himself, and at first it feels almost oppressive. It's been a long time since he's been without a schedule and constant company, and he at once feels completely lost and completely liberated.

Slowly, he allows himself to sink into it. He sleeps more than he has since he was 14, binge watches anime, and plays video games to his heart's content. When he's not being a lazy fuck, he does his best to make up for all the time he's lost with his family, going for walks with his mom, helping his dad around the house, and having conversations with his brother that last longer than a fleeting call to check in. It's comforting, serene, a little slice of the normalcy he had left behind when he left home for Seoul all those years ago.