TAEKOOK | HOPE

• 15 fuckin aches

Lil angst.. Might be
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☣

"I would expect nothing less," Taehyung retorts, pursing his lips at the camera. "Miss me that much?"

It would be funnier if Jeongguk hadn't actually spent the majority of the trip missing him.

"Kind of forgot what you look like, actually," Jimin teases. Jeongguk shifts closer to him, pressing up against Jimin's shoulder so that he appears in the shot as well. The image is a little blurry, but he can still discern the familiar slope of Taehyung's nose, his mismatched eyelids and full, pink mouth. His hair is damp and falling flat on his forehead, probably fresh out of the shower.

"Yeah, I forgot how ugly you both are," Taehyung sasses back, lips twitching. Jeongguk curls his toes in the cool sand and wishes more than anything that Taehyung was here with them. "Where are you guys?"

"New Zealand!" Jimin chirps, turning the phone around to give Taehyung a view of the beach. "It's sick here, we're staying an extra two days."

"Shit, that looks amazing," Taehyung says appreciatively. "I'm jealous."

"How's LA?!" Jimin asks, facing the screen back towards them. "Is that your new place?"

"Yes, welcome to my humble abode," Taehyung says, panning the camera around to what looks like a spacious, dimly lit living room. "I like it, but the quiet is going to take some getting used to."

"We'll be extra loud when we visit," Jimin promises. Jeongguk's stomach does a backflip.

"Have you started work yet?" he asks, piping up for the first time. There's only so long he can get away with just staring silently.

Taehyung nods, biting his lip. "Today was my first day on set." He messes with his bangs onscreen, fluffing them a little. It's an old, familiar habit. "Everyone seems really cool."

"Just not as cool as us, right?" Jimin asks cheekily.

Taehyung looks like he's mulling it over, and Jimin sticks his tongue out at him, flicking sand at the camera. Jeongguk is envious of how easy the banter is between the two of them, an echo of how he and Taehyung used to be, before Jeongguk got so lost in his own heartache.

"'Course not, Jiminie," Taehyung concedes eventually, softening when Jimin turns the full force of his puppy dog eyes on him. Jeongguk finds himself hoping, rather pathetically, that he really means it.

They talk for a while longer, until the sky slips from blue to lilac above them and the waves quiet to nothing more than a gentle lapping at the shore. It gets late enough that Jeongguk's stomach starts rumbling with hunger, and they pack up to go get dinner as Taehyung climbs into bed.

"See you in a few weeks, Tae," Jimin says.

"Can't wait," Taehyung replies, burrowing into his pillow. It's strange to think of him making a home in a place Jeongguk's never seen before. "Miss you guys."

"Miss you too," Jeongguk croaks out, almost by accident, and Jimin shoots him a sideways glance before turning back to the phone and nodding fervently in agreement.

Jimin leaves it alone until later that night. They go back to their hostel and change, then head to a local pub for dinner, something casual and inconspicuous. The music is good and no one approaches them, so they end up staying for a drink after dinner as well, which turns into two drinks, so that by the time they get back to their room they're floating somewhere between tipsy and drunk. Jimin's lips always get looser when he drinks, so it's really not all that surprising when he says:

"You okay?"

They're lying side by side in their respective single beds, tucked beneath cheap, stiff sheets that bear an inexcusably ugly print of varied turquoise foliage. It's tacky and kind of uncomfortable, but Jeongguk doesn't mind it much - makes him feel like he's getting an authentic travel experience.

"Yeah, fine," he says automatically, not even glancing up from his phone.

"You've been quiet all night."

Jeongguk shrugs and chances a glance in his direction, finds Jimin already frowning back at him. "I'm fine," he repeats.

And it's true, he is. As fine as he's been for the past few years.

Jimin puffs out his cheeks and lets out a long sigh. "'M getting kinda sick of you lying to me about Taehyung."

Jeongguk stills, his stomach clenching nervously by default. But then he takes a moment to think about it, observes the frustrated sincerity on his best friend's face, and all at once he decides he doesn't really feel like lying about it anymore, either.

"Sorry," he mumbles.

Jimin raises his eyebrows, clearly having expected another denial from Jeongguk. "I know it's not really my business," he says, cheek flattened against his pillow. "But Christ, Guk, you're my two best friends. It's not that hard to tell that something went down."

Jeongguk doesn't know how to answer that, so he just swallows around the lump in his throat and stays silent.

"What happened?" Jimin asks quietly.

And Jeongguk has no fucking idea how to answer that either, because where does he even begin? "It's complicated," he rasps out eventually.

He half expects Jimin to roll his eyes, but he doesn't, just observes Jeongguk curiously instead, considering. "Were you guys, like - did you ever - ?"

"Yes," Jeongguk says quietly.

Jimin nods like he had expected as much. "How long?"

Jeongguk's fingers dig into the coarse fabric of his bedsheets. "Two and a half years," he whispers.

"Fuck," Jimin says, eyes widening. "Jesus, Guk."

Jeongguk stares very hard at a crack in the wooden floor between their beds.

Jimin's next question is gentle, tentative. "And it ended?"

"He ended it."

Jimin exhales, and Jeongguk blinks rapidly, fighting back tears. This is the first time he's ever spoken to anyone about the details of what happened between him and Taehyung, and it's calling up emotions he's spent a long time trying to tamp down.

"You loved him," Jimin says. It's a statement, not a question.

Jeongguk nods. His chest aches. His heart fucking aches.

"Do you still?"

☣

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