TAEKOOK | HOPE

• 36 even subconscious

I'm sorry... Lil more angst
______________________________________________

☣

It's not a matter of whether he wants to be with Taehyung. Of course he does, he wants that more than anything. It's a matter of taking another risk, putting his heart on the line again when it's already so, so fragile. Taehyung's words are making him weak in the knees, but he's spent so long telling himself Taehyung doesn't want him back that he's having trouble processing these indications to the contrary.

"I can wait," Taehyung says eventually, breaking the silence. His breath fans out against Jeongguk's face as he speaks. "If that's what you need. I'll wait as long as you want."

"I'm sick of waiting," Jeongguk responds truthfully. It feels like all he's done for the past ten years is wait and wait and wait for Taehyung. "I don't want to wait anymore."

Taehyung sucks in a sharp breath, fingers climbing into Jeongguk's hair. "Me neither," he admits shakily.

"Tae," Jeongguk breathes, clutching him tighter. He needs Taehyung to guide him through this, needs him holding his hand if he takes this leap.

And Taehyung gets it because he always does.

"I love you, Jeongguk-ah," he says, simple as anything. "I love you, I love you - "

Something inside of Jeongguk breaks then, like the dam that's holding his emotions in check has collapsed and been swept away. This is what he needed, what he hoped for, what he doubted. This is what he's wanted since Taehyung walked out his door all those years ago.

With a strangled sort of groan, he grabs Taehyung's face, pulling him down for a kiss that's sloppy and wet and still, somehow, everything that Jeongguk wants. Taehyung shifts forward immediately, pressing their bodies as close as possible, kissing Jeongguk back just as desperately. It's ironic, because this is the exact position they were in when they split up (down to the tears slipping over their cheeks), but now instead of a goodbye, it feels like a hello.

They stay like that for a long time, kissing softly, breathing each other in. Jeongguk feels like he's floating, or possibly dreaming, because against all odds he's here again, wrapped up in Taehyung. He's not delusional enough to think everything is fixed between them, not by a long shot, but if Taehyung loves him, well - that's a start.

When Jeongguk tries and fails to stifle a yawn, Taehyung pulls back, smiling gently. "It's late," he says, kissing Jeongguk's forehead. "You should sleep."

Jeongguk sighs but doesn't disagree - he's exhausted, and despite what his body may be saying to the contrary, it's probably not a good idea for them to have sex tonight. There's still a lot they need to talk about, a lot of questions that need to be addressed. They can't just ignore all of that and dive in carelessly like they had in Hawaii.

Taehyung climbs off of him, and Jeongguk stands up with a groan, missing his warmth immediately. God, he is such a needy, clingy fuck when it comes to Taehyung.

"Uh," Taehyung clears his throat, looking suddenly awkward. "Did you want me to stay? Or I could go to my hotel, if you want."

Jeongguk frowns, considering. The needy part of him doesn't want Taehyung going anywhere, but the insecure side of him is shy about voicing that. And then there's the nasty little voice in the back of his head telling him that Taehyung wants to leave, and if he does, he might not come back.