Broken Glass

Valentine's Day

   Emily sat quietly in the passenger seat, curled against the window. She could feel the shaking of the car that came with the rumbling of the engine. Other than that there was no noise, even the radio was off. Emily didn't last long before the relative silence had her crawling out of her skin, trying to fill it. 

Emily turned to Morgan "You're awfully quiet" 

Morgan laughed with turning "Nah, that's you" 

Emily quieted again, leaning back into her seat again. Another moment passed before she tried again. 

"Aren't you gonna ask?" she said, voice small

This time Morgan gave her a side eye and stayed quiet for a second, making a right turn. 

"I'm dropping you off at the airport" she said "I think I know"

Emily nodded and rubbed at her arms.

Morgan softened even more "You okay?"

Emily smiled "I will be be, I think" 

"Good" She said, now turning up the music

Emily relaxed, letting herself be lulled into a sort of muffled state of half awareness. She heard the honking of cars, the squeaking of breaks, and people calling out to each other. Time passed in short burst of awareness. 

     She felt when the car stopped, rubbing at her face. Morgan looked over at her and smiled crookedly. Emily took her time gathering her bag and her wits. 

Morgan reached over the console and gave her a brief but tight hug. 

"You call if you ever need me" she said

Emily smile bright and wide " I will" 

"Or if you just wanna talk" 

"Okay" Emily said, the tight grip in her chest loosened. 

     She put her hand on the door handle but sat there fighting her own self. She could imagine Allen running up to her and grabbing her hand, his other hand holding chocolates. He would call out to her and ask her to stay. And in this fantasy she could let go of the hurt wrapped around her heart. She would forgive him and they'd fall into each other. 

"I'll always love you" He'd say, just like he had promised 

She'd smile and press her lips to his, right in the corner where they always seem to twitch and turn up. Then he'd laugh and stick his bottom lip out. She'd kiss that too. 

"I knew you'd come after me" She'd laugh, leaning into him as they walked out of the airport. 

"Like I'd let you be the The who got away" he'd tease

   She'd shove him lightly and laugh begrudgingly as he'd pretend to stumble for few steps just to appease her. They were perfect like that, cheesy lines and and a playful back and fourth.  All of their high school friends could never see one without the other. Thats what hurt the most. The dream broke. 

"You don't have do this" Morgan said, not unkindly

Emily pushed the door open "Yes I do" she stepped out and spared only one look back. 

    She gripped the straps of her bag and tried not to curl into herself and kept walking. Waiting to get through security set her nerves on fire. She bounced on her toes and tried to keep from turning around. The closer she got the bigger the fire in her stomach got. When she stepped up to go through she could breathe again. She was really going to do this. 

    "Jack, no!" a woman called.

A little boy ran right in-front  of her and right into the food court, the woman chasing after him. Emily shook her head and laughed as she saw the boy run up and steal a handful of fries from a stranger before continuing on his way. 

     She sat and waited, feeling herself become restless. Opening her bag she grabbed the green notebook haphazardly shoved on top. It took her a moment of just looking at before she finally opened it 

Emily, 

I love you and I just wanted

Emily rolled her eyes and skipped to the next page.

I'm sorry you're hurting but

Emily skipped a few more pages. She stopped when she came across one labeled 

Our first Valentine's Day

   She had expected him to write about their first Valentines day as a couple. They had gone to the diner after school with their other couple friends. Emily had been so nervous, afraid not to live up to the romantic pressure. She hadn't even kissed him yet! Allen had wanted to go somewhere just him but she had begged her best friend to come along. Looking back now she blushed and felt bad she had virtually ignored him the whole time. Clinging desperately to conversation. 

"I totally failed my math test" Emily said, grasping at straws, nobody had wanted to talk about school; even she didn't want to. 

Mia glared at her "Dude, don't get me started"

Emily took the hint and backed off. Soothed only by the sympathetic look both Mia and Scott sent her. Allen simply laughed before wrapping his arm around her and kissed her cheek.

      Instead it was a much earlier Valentine's Day. She smiled at the memory, special and tinged pink with the rosy view of youth.  

    She still had the little white teddybear he had given her on the playground. 

He held it out in front of him, as if it burned "Here" he said, handing it to her. 

"Its small and fluffy!" he said "Like you are" 

Emily hugged it close to her chest glaring at him "'m not"

He poked her face and said "fluffy" 

She pressed her free hand to her cheeks and bit her lip "its not nice to tease" 

But he smiled at her so big and bright she had to smile back

"I like it" he said "Mom says its better for hugging"

And then he did. Before she could hug him back he ran back to his friends on the other side of the playground. She hugged the bear instead. 

  Emily closed the book and stepped out of her head. When she placed the notebook back she pulled out the little bear. It was slightly matted and missing the pink bow it used to have. She couldn't help but to smile, that little bear was her favorite. 

They always seemed to orbit around each other, always finding themselves together again. That little bear was almost like a promise. One she knew she was clinging too tightly to.