Broken Glass

Hidden Baggage

After that first small little "no" Emily couldn't stop.

She shook her head, stray hair falling loose from her bun. 

"I-" she swallowed "I'm not" 

The girl opened her door fully and stepped out. She leaned against the doorframe arms crossed loosely. 

"You can come in if you like" she said, not unkindly. 

That made Emily smile "I don't even know you" 

The girl stuck her hand out "Morgan" she said "Now you know me" 

"I - uh" Emily said "I'm Emily" she shook Morgan's hand 

she laughed and pulled her into the room "I know" 

Immediately she started tripping over her words while trying to eat them. Emily said nothing as Morgan continued to try to explain all while pulling her into the apartment. She sat Emily down pushing her onto the couch. 

" I mean" she said walking in with two mugs "I just hear you guys fight" 

Emily took the mug, cradling it in her hands. She could smell the warm richness of the  chocolate and stuck her finger in the whip cream, unable to resist. Morgan on the other hand plopped herself down and threw her feet up onto the coffee table.

"You guys are my soaps" Morgan said "I pop some popcorn and listen in" 

Emily could feel her cheeks warm. She put the mug down to press her hands to them.

"It wasn't all bad you know" she said "He never- he never hit me" 

Morgan turned towards her "If your standards are that low we have bigger problems"

"We used to go on dates all the time" Emily said

She fidgeted with her fingers before stilling. For lack of anything else she picked up the hot chocolate and took a sip. Just to give herself something to do. 

"We'd go out to eat" but that didn't feel like enough "He took me bowling once" 

  Emily laughed because the only other option was to cry. She had loved that date. It was awkward and awful and everything that a teenage first date should be. She remembered the top she wore, a yellow floral tank. With embarrassing ruffles. She had tried it on and hated it. The only other option was to try on every other shirt that she owned. Inevitably she circled back to that first shirt. She used to always be so proud of how young they had found each other. Now it only made her miss those early dates. They couldn't drive yet, having to be dropped off in the parking lot. Holding hands on the way in, praying he didn't notice how sweaty they were but knowing all the same that he knew. The only thing that made it a little less terrifying was that he was just as nervous. She could see it in the flush of his face. Red all the way up to the tips of his ears. She could feel it in his heartbeat, fast against her wrist. Neither of them were star bowlers. Secretly they both knew she was worse. He had asked for them to turn on the bumpers just for then. Emily looked down at her toes, her face warm. Embarrassed that he asked, but honestly really grateful. It was then she knew she loved him. As silly as it sounds. She really did. 

"I loved him" she said, the room appearing around her once more "Still do" 

Morgan had been quietly listening the whole time. Nodding in all the right spots. She took a moment after Emily was done speaking to really think and process. There were no words to explain how much that meant too Emily.

"I'm sor-" Emily was cut off by Morgan holding up her hand 

"Don't apologize" she said "You love him, but?"

Emily took a big sip and finished off her hot chocolate. She took her time putting the mug carefully setting it on the coaster. Then straightening it just so. Morgan waited patiently, not saying anything but not looking away from Emily's face. 

She swallowed "He doesn't love me" 

Morgan pulled her into a hug and then released her "Then why stay?"

She shook her head "I have nowhere else to go"

"What about home?" Morgan asked 

Emily could feel her eyes getting wet. She tugged on her hair, so tired of constantly crying but god she felt like she was burning. Her blood was on fire. 

"I- I can't-" She started again but all she could manage was "plane tickets" 

Morgan's eyes softened, rounding out all the rough sharp lines of her face. 

She thought a moment before saying "stay here"

Emily only looked at her 

"I'm serious" she said "We'll figure it out so stay" 

Emily got up and Morgan walked her to the door. Before she could leave she grabbed her wrist. 

"Just think about it" Morgan said, voice rough but gentle 

Emily nodded "I will" 

She gave up on truly going out after that and just went home. Or wherever, she was going to have to stop calling it that. Allen was what made it feel like home anyway. Emily didn't intend to actually pack but it kind of just happened. It started with the book she had left on the end table. She picked it up to put it back but it no longer belonged on the bookshelf. So she put it in a bag. Slowly more and more things joined it. Her favorite candle, a framed picture of her family reunion. The gifts Allen had given her were much more difficult to sort. Did he want them back? She pushed them off to the side. Each thing added to the back ripped out a piece of her heart with it. She curled up on the floor. On hand digging into her hair, the other digging into the area rug.  Cookie came just like she always did and tried to snuggle. Emily scratched behind her ears, at a loss for words. She heard Allen come home and forced herself to move. Her whole body felt as if she were moving through peanut butter. She had just kicked the bag into the closet when Allen came into the bedroom. 

"What is this" he said looking around the room, eyes sharp but voice sharper. 

Emily shrunk back, mouth open but wordless. 

His voice hardened "What. Are. You. Doing"