Broken Glass

The End

  The plane lands smoothly. Coming up to the runway. Emily smiled when the wheels touched down. It had always been her favorite part of flying. 

     Getting off the plane was a different story. If it was good for one thing it kept her from truly thinking about what she was doing. Every time she did her heart and lungs seized up. And yet the further from him she got the tighter and tenser the strings connecting them grew strained and tense. Before reaching the breaking point. She wasn't sure where she was exactly but she almost felt a snap and since then it has been loosening it hold on her. Emily hadn't even realized she was being strangled until the pressure was gone. 

   Not to say she hadn't loved him. Because she had. And it's not to say she doesn't love him now.  Because she does. But that doesn't mean that they were right together. Especially right now. 

Their whole live they have grown up together. Grown together. Somewhere along the line their separate selves had been lost or ignored. Maybe time apart could make time together that much sweeter. That was if they fell back into each other. 

     Emily's mom picked her up from the airpot. It had been a long time since she had climbed into her mothers light blue 2001 Jeep Liberty. Shutting the door behind her she took a big breath. The smell of home made her smile. Emily leaned over the console to hug her mom, burying her face in her neck. 

   Without saying anything her mom pulled her close and just dragged slow and gentle hands up and down her back. She didn't ask if she was okay, and she didn't ask her to explain. It was nice to be understood. To just be there and be loved. She had missed her mom. More than she expected. Emily had thought Allen would be enough. Maybe he wasn't. No, she didn't exist just for him and he didn't exist just for her. 

    When she felt ready she slowly let go and pulled out of the embrace. Her mom held on just an extra second more and she loved her for it. 

"You ready?" she asked 

Emily nodded "Thanks mom" 

  Her mom reached over and turned on the radio, keeping the volume low. Emily was glad it was her mom picking her up. She could be silent and not have to feel bad about it. Her dad was great, but she didn't have the energy to talk and pretend she was alright. 

   She stared at he window at the trees as they passed, squinting at the sun. She wished it was raining. Not just because she liked the rain but it just seemed appropriately dramatic. The weather always seemed to match the protagonists mood but life was never so convenient. 

   Her knee bounced as she tossed her phone in her hand. She opened up her messages 

Allen 💜

She shut off her phone. Two minutes down the road she opened it again 

Just passed Mama Rose's sweetshop, remember when she gave us the chocolate eggs for Easter? The ones with the M&M's in them? You bit right into it and it went everywhere! 

No. That wasn't right. 

Remember those chocolate eggs we had? 

That wasn't it either. 

Just passed Mama Rose's! Thinking of you 

   She tossed her phone into her bag and pulled at her bangs. What part of clean break did she not understand? It wasn't that complicated. Except he was her husband. More importantly he was her best friend. 

It wasn't like she didn't have any friends. Was it? 

This time when she pulled her phone out it was to text Morgan. 

Landed safely, thanks for driving me 

It didn't take her long to get a response 

No problem cupcake :) 

Another text 

How are you doing? Hanging in there? 

Emily had barely typed I'm fine before another text from Morgan came in 

I'll buy plane tickets if I have to 

And you can't stop me

Emily shook her head and snorted 

No I'll be alright 

She took a breath before allowing herself to send the next message 

Can I call you later? 

She placed her phone down face down on her lap and closed her eyes. Her phone vibrated. Emily's hand twitched but she didn't pick it up. She couldn't look. Not until it vibrated again. 

of course 

you don't have to ask 

Emily smiled and put her phone away. For good this time, or at least for the rest of the car ride. 

   Later after she got home, Emily sat curled up in her living room. She was going through the gifted green notebook, flipping slowly through the pages and reading out-loud  to her mom. Only pausing when her mom got up to check the stir fry. Filling up her heart with warmth. No matter how old she got nor how much she loved her dad's stakes and pastas, there was nothing better than her mom's cooking. 

    No mater how many times she tried, she could never get her mom's recipes quite right. It was either Allen judging the onions in the Mac and Cheese or the pork chops just didn't taste right. Nothing cures heartsickness like mom. 

   She froze when she turned to the last page. This time it wasn't a story or a memory. It was a note written just for her. 

  That was how her mom found her. Socked feet tucked up on the couch under knees and the book left open on her lap as  she stared down at it. Her mom's hand held hers and gently pulled it away, stopping her from tugging more at her hair.  Without saying anything her mom took the notebook and held it away from her, reading. Emily tried to get it back but a strong sharp glare stopped her. She sat down and dropped her hands 

Emily,

Over the years I have made many promises to you and even now that we're apart I still  intend to keep them. 

1. I promised to always love you - and I will 

2. I will always take care of you- Yes even now, if you need anything still I'm here

All of that love can't be faked. Even if  we don't fit with each other now we did then and we are so lucky to have had that. This isn't goodbye forever its only a heartfelt see you someday. You were my best friend and I'd like to think  that in someway you still are. So this is of my way of asking you to remember me fondly as I remember. Let go of the hurt and fighting and grow into yourself. I'll try to grow into me. See you again someday and maybe we will be right again. 

                        Forever yours,

                                                          Allen

   Emily fidgeted with the coupon for Enzo's he had hidden there while her mom read; She appreciated the thought but that she couldn't go there no without him. They hosted their engagement party there and continued to go there for the amazing Fettuccine Alfredo. Still she couldn't get rid of it. Slipping it into her wallet for safe keeping. 

   Her mom handed it back as well as a picture from their wedding day.  She looked at it for a moment, running her thumb over the ceramic flowers covering the frame. Slowly she ripped out the page and placed it in the frame over the picture. It would hurt to read for a while but then maybe it would become treasured sometime in the future. 

And with that she shut the book on them and was ready for a new one, this time she was going to be the protagonist.