Broken Glass

Empty Mug

     Allen sat at his desk, hands resting on his keyboard but not typing. The cursor blinked and with every flash his eyes drifted. They kept finding the same spot. Each time he was surprised that it still hurt. 

     It was dumbest mug he owned and it was his favorite. It had been a Christmas gift from Emily however many years ago. He watched as it slowly turned back to its normal color as the coffee cooled. Allen turned back to the blank screen. 

    There was too much of her he that he hadn't noticed. Until it was no longer there. Today it was back, plunging into his brain everywhere he looked. The kitchen, the coffee. He was spinning himself in circles and annoying himself. Annoying everyone else as well. 

    He had asked her to leave and she did. That was the end right? Except they shared an orbit, forever circling each other. Was that love or was It obsession. They had always been together, maybe it was just routine.  

    Allen wasn't sure what to expect. Emily had spent the night somewhere else but she had been there this morning. Would she still be there? He wasn't sure what her wanted. That was a lie. He wanted to his his head repeatedly against the desk in frustration. However that was not an acceptable adult reaction. Especially not at work. 

Feeling the need to do something. Anything at all. Allen rubbed at his face.  

He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts 

Emily Scott 

He looked at it for a moment before hitting Edit. 

Emily Hayes 

But that just felt wrong. She hadn't been Emily Hayes to him since he knew he was going to marry her, junior year of high school. 

 His thumb hovered before berating himself for being dramatic. He exhaled roughly before pressing down and just deleting her number completely. 

   He counted mentally. one Mississippi. He was fine. two Mississippi. It would be okay. Three Mississippi. Slowly he released his grip on his phone, placing it lightly on his desk. Four Mississippi. He opened his eyes. Five Mississippi. He could breathe again. 

   Allen lasted 6 more Mississippis before reaching for his sticky notes. In heavy blue ink he scribbled down her number. He knew it by heart but just in case. Just in case. 

 The note made a satisfying noise as he peeled it off. Slowly, and watching it curl. He stuck it to the bottom of his desk drawer. The small one. Full of pencils and assorted supplies. Allen closed it roughly, causing his work neighbors to give him weird looks. 

  Still he felt free. Maybe it was wrong but he didn't care. Part of him felt as if he would only ever be with her. But at least now if they chose each other it would be as adults who had lived for themselves. 

  It was with a small that he picked up the mug, downed the cold coffee, and got to work for the first time since the restaurant.