Yesterday was rough. So was Valentines Day. Unfortunately I hate to say it but I'm afraid my depression has relapsed. Yesterday as you may know Damian Lillard and his girlfriend got engaged recently. I'm trying to be happy for them but I want to be loved like that. I'm jealous of them. I wish people would just shut up about it already. I'm so sick and tired of love wanting me to die. I hate being demisexual demiromantic. I hate myself. Yesterday I vented my feelings too much and now the entire Trail Blazer fanbase is worried about me. I'll be okay. I just have to remember what I live for. To carry on Gianna's legacy. To be a star. To honor Kobe.
Yesterday during one of my many attacks, I felt Kobe's presence and was able to calm down pretty quickly. I felt his sprit touch me in a way I've never felt before. It was quite calming, like a spiritual hug per se. I heard him say "Remember what you live for, Fathima." And then after I had fully calmed down, he faded away....Thank you Kobe. Thank you... :,)
