My Niqabee (COMPLETED)

Sweet Pain

What do you call a situation where you feel so lively yet bored? You could give up everything for something but you know for some reason, that something could go with everything? Nothing to loose but something to gain? You could just say i was Nostalgically Excited.
I no longer hid my smile,
I no longer obeyed school rules,
I no longer lived for my books,
I no longer had real friends,
I no longer craved for food,
Nothing more occurred to me like thinking about my girl and having airtime to talk to her. Everyone was thinking i have become a playboy due to my brand new, extreme courtesy for girls. If i was walking and a girl came passing i would step aside and greet her as she pass, look for any assistances i could offer and if i found none i will say something sweet to her. News got to me that the girls hostel was becoming chaotic due to girls claiming i have fallen for them. Truth was i had fallen for none of them in particular but all of them including the ones i never encountered. I saw my girl's face in all of them and treated them like her photo. You can like a figure but the character is usually what you love. My heart was elsewhere!

In a matter of weeks i had spent more than half of my money for the month and it was mostly on airtime. I quickly decided to start going to the school dining hall regardless of how demeaning i found it. Big boys don't go to dining, we feed on our provisions or go to the school shop and buy stuff. But love has no regard for class. I would think of her sitting across while i eat in the dinning without looking at what was served and before i noticed my plate will be empty. Whatever i did with her in mind  made me blissful.

My phone became to me like a biro is to a serious student. I no longer cared where i was or who was watching. I was either texting her or expecting her reply otherwise we was on call. Since i came back to school we had exchanged close to 100 text messages and had spoken for tens of hours.

I still remember our first call after I returned. I had texted to inform her about my return to school and that I will call her when i reach. When I called her as promised she told me there was something she wanted letting me know and she was more comfortable now that she know we won't be seeing anytime soon. I was sad but eager to know what was that, she didn't have to remind me that we won't be seeing for some time. She thus went on

"Before we met, i have lived on the sidelines
Or to be more honest, among spectators
Having no hopes nor expectations
Deep inside I've had this dream
Of finding someone i can call my own
I did struggle with depression and anxiety
With no one to support me all through"

She was quiet and I couldn't talk as well, what will i say and where do i start from? I was shook. She made a relieving breath and continued

"For what looked like an endless maze
With infinite turns and deadly ends
I persevered and remained strong.

Amidst all this uncertainty you came forth
Appearing in my sky like an eclipse
In the night i saw the moon and sun
Time healed the controversy and now i know
I am glad i met you"

I heard her sob... but she was late because i was there already. My eyes were wine red and tears pouring down. She was going through this? I told her

"Let's have faith and remain steadfast
Before we met was our past
We shouldn't add weight to what we carry
A time i hope gets lost in my thoughts
Though i know for sure it cannot be erased
It hurts more when i try to relate
The fear & loneliness i hid inside
The sadness & dilemma that ate me deep
Unknown to the world i dared not scream
Reminiscing all these always made me want to fall
But before people i stood so tall
Today with you by my side i feel so strong
Alhamdulillahi"