Trip Down Memory Lane

Chapter 6 The Fall

   T.w. overdosing, suicide

  So here I was. Alone in a bathroom with no one to turn to and nowhere to run. I wish that someone could understand. The stress of being the one that must be responsible, that must be accountable for everyone's actions. I affect Thomas the most. Whatever I think and feel, is what he does too.

     I open my mirror cabinet to take an aspirin. I decided to take three. I don't know how many I was supposed to take, but the extra one just felt right. Right next to it was an empty spot where my anti-depressant pills used to sit. I don't remember actually taking them all, but I guess I need to take more. I am not supposed to get more until the end of the month. I have 2 more weeks to get a new bottle and I don't know how I am supposed to do anything without them.

     I remember when Virgil caught me overdosing a year or so ago. He made sure to have control of my meds for 6 months. He gave them to me when necessary, but he wouldn't let me have the bottle, especially when it was in my room. After awhile Logan told him to give me back control of my pills because I have learned my lesson and I am smart enough not to do that. 

     That's right! I am here thinking about memories when I need to go back to my scrapbooks!

     I sat back on my bed, opening back up the scrapbook I was looking through before I went to the bathroom. I looked up after 15 minutes or so to stretch out my neck, but I saw something different. It was a glitter scrapbook with no definable cover. I leaped out of bed to grab it. Glitter was being left on my hands, and it kinda itched, but for the most part it looked so cool! I opened it on the floor this time since I didn't want to get my bed glittery, and I opened it up to the first page.

     Hello! I am sure you are opening this scrapbook because you have a longing for the past. This book will give you the past and let you relive it. Experience what makes you feel joy when there is nothing left in you. Gaze upon the memories that melt you into a puddle. Overall, don't forget to keep your map nearby, on this trip down memory lane.

    The letter seemed fake to mean anything. This is most likely one of those dumb inspirational quotes that they put before or after sad movies. I flipped the book to the next page to find that the scrapbook was blank. I flipped through all the pages over and over for some form of picture or memory, but nothing came up.

     I took the book to my bed, not having the right mindset to care about what gets on my bed or not, and put it under my pillow to throw in the pit. I laid down on my bed looking up at my ceiling. The mobile over my bed was soothing, but nothing to calm my running thoughts.

     I then decided to go out to the balcony and throw the trash book out then and there to get it out of the way. My room was cluttered enough, I didn't need junk that didn't mean anything or didn't work with how the mind palace functioned.

     I walk unto the balcony, book in my quacking hands. Maybe this shouldn't just be death for the book? The dark bit below the balcony lead to nowhere. It is where we threw out trash and watched it disappear into the darkness. What went down never came back up. 

     I couldn't take it anymore though! I had to do it. I had to end it here and now before anyone could stop me before I stopped myself before anything changes my mind. I ran back to my room and opened the scrapbook to an empty page. I grabbed the pen that Virgil got me for Christmas and began to write.

        Dear famILY,

I love each and every one of you and I don't want you to forget that. I know this is tough, and I know this will be a lot to process, but I am gone. You must accept that. Please make sure Thomas doesn't get into too much trouble. I love him greatly. I hate risking you all by doing this, but I can't deny anymore that I am not good enough to be with you guys. I try so hard to make sure that Thomas does the right thing, but I always fail. What is my purpose besides being the villain of the story?

Virgil- Remember to breathe. I know that you can be stressed, but keep breathing and things will turn out okay in the end. Logan can help you with anything. I believe in you, Virge. You have the strength that I didn't to get through this. You will always be my dark, strange son.

Roman- Keep me in your creations. I have always been proud of you and your work. Do not let my absence keep you from pursuing your dreams. You can marry the second most handsome Prince in the world. I can't wait to see what you turn this world into. Keep smiling

Logan- I give you a glass orb with my Mortality in it. Thomas's scene of right and wrong is contained within this jar. Please take care of it. This jar is the dust version of me. Handle it like you would take care of me, Lo. There is something I would like to tell you though. I have had a major crush on you for the longest time. You are calm, kind, and smart. You don't smile a lot, but when you do, it is the best thing in the world to see. I love you.

Everyone please take care.

                                                            -Patton Sanders

     I grabbed a jar from under my desk and I went to sit on my bed.  I took off my glasses gently and placed them on the side table. I then ripped off the heart patch on my chest and placed it inside the jar. "Come out of me," I say under me breathe to start the ritual. 

     I start hacking like crazy. It felt as if I was going to throw up my insides. I literally was though. Light blue gloom came out of me and I slowly was drained of color as the jar kept filling to the top with my Mortality ora.

     I ripped the note out o the scrapbook and taped it to the jar. I then placed the jar on a pillow at the head of my bed and walked back out to the balcony. I slowly tied off my cat hoodie that was being used as a cardigan. I smiled softly knowing that Logan was the one who got it for me. I tied the jacket around the post on the balcony and hung onto the scrapbook tight.

     The wind rushed through my hair as I started to sob. "This is it." I cried as I climbed over the barrier of the balcony. I sat on the edge just sobbing for what seemed like days when I saw the sun peak over the horizon. "3...2...1.." I let go of the edge, holding on tight to the glittery scrapbook. I thought I felt a hand brush over my shoulder, but I couldn't tell. My tears stopped as I held my breath. Millions of thoughts rushed through my head at once. I looked up to the balcony as one last goodbye. But then I saw...

a sobbing Deceit

crying over the railing

with an arm stretched out.

Good day to you all! I am sorry that this got pretty dark. This is NOT the worst it gets, so if this is too much for you I am warning you now that this deals with some deep stuffsss. I love you all though and thank you for all the support! I can't wait until the next chapter! Do your best!