Pretending to be Married (destiel)

Chapter 39

(so i read your comments and wow i am so sorry i didn't realise how much people enjoyed the story. its a bit overwhelming but in the best way.  i also looked at the stats for the story, y'all are from all over the world. that is wild. i started writing this story in 2015 and so i think i owe it to anyone who reads it, the story and myself to finally finish it...5 years later)

4 days later

Dean: asleep                                                                                                                                           

Sam: stress reading every book ever written

Castiel: having a secret cry

Cas was being strong and dependable. He was there to comfort Sam, run ideas with Charlie and Anne, test theories with Joe. He was a comfort to everyone (or a punching bag when Sam's frustrations peaked) but the weight of it felt like it was crushing him. Which is why, on his first 'Dean-watch' he cried. 

His tears were completely, and deservingly, selfish. He had missed 3 of Dean's calls. They had been arguing and he had not been there when there was a chance to fix it. And now, facing such uncertainty, the idea of their last words being unkind was crushing Cas.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. He hoped hearing those words would cause a smug smile to appear on Dean's face, but no such luck. "I can't even remember what we were arguing about, I don't even care. I just need you to wake up, tell me you won the argument and tell me we are okay. Dean I need us, you, to be okay. Okay?"

The angel looked at Dean. He looked peaceful. Cas could tell this sleep was different, it was peaceful just as before but it was missing the slight content that had been appearing more recently. This sleep was cold and peaceful, as if nothing could disturb it. Cas felt helpless. It had been joked that a kiss would wake sleeping beauty and even though Cas knew it was just a joke, he was getting desperate.

"I miss you." The tears falling from Castiel's eyes came in silent streams. He just let them fall, he couldn't of stopped them if he had wanted to. "I was going to make us another picnic. I would of even packed that ridiculous coffee you love. I had been looking for spots and had found one, I thought maybe it could become our spot. You need to wake up Dean, it is no fun having a secret spot if I'm the only one who knows about it."

He talked about how everyone was missing him, what had been going on. He reassured Dean that Sam was looked after. Cas told him jokes, hoping to hear Dean's huff. He explained boring rituals and spells, hoping Dean would tell him to shut up. He did everything he could think of to try and get a rise or a laugh or anything out of Dean. The whole time he held his hand, hoping he would grip it back.

After a few moments of silence, Castiel huffed. It was now or never right?

"There was, is something I needed to tell you Dean. I should of told you before, but I was afraid. I don't care now, right now nothing scares me more than you not waking up. So I'm going to tell you. I love you, Dean. Not as a friend, or a brother but as more. This crazy idea of Sam's has made me feel closer to you than I ever thought I would be. I'm so happy. I love waking up to you cooking, I love arguing over what movie to watch, I love walking home drunk, to our home, together. I need you to wake up. Not just for Sam or the family we have been adopted into. I need you to wake up so we can go back to our new 'ordinary' lives we've been living. I promise not to take up all the covers anymore, and I won't use up all the hot water, and I wont forget to wash the dishes up after. Just wake up."

He smiled softly. He had no idea if Dean could hear him but he was glad he had said it to him. 

Cas went back to light hearted conversation. He even joked about kissing him like he was sleeping beauty to see if that could get a rise out of Dean, but no luck. 

After about 4 hours Castiel began to drift off, still holding Dean's hand. Just as he fell in to sleep there was a sound almost too soft for him to hear. Almost "Cas..."