Rescuing Atticus

You can't love me

Song: Lost on you- Lewis Capaldi

Stella was gone for the next few days. I was getting really worried about her because at the Café the owner just stated that she had requested off a few days and he had no clue what she was doing or where in the hell she went. I run by her house each day and nothing. It's like she just disappeared.

"What is wrong? You have been down the last few days like something you are worried about something?" Zane asks me as I sit down for breakfast.

I shake my head. "It's just...there is this girl that I like." I look up at him and see his reaction. I stop him before he has the chance to say anything. "Before you start...don't. I met this girl down at the café a few months ago.  She had a dick for a boyfriend that liked to beat the shit out of her. So I took care of it anyway I really like her and she has been gone for the past few days. The owner stated that she requested off for a few days."

"So what is the problem?" He takes a sip of his hot coffee and set it back down on the table.

"She is not at home either. I know...what you are thinking and you are right I should not get involved with her."

"Well...looks like you already know the answer. Maybe you could use a good workout to get her off your mind." He grins and the guys all smirk with him. After we eat we all head out to the workout room. Marcus gives us a good workout and I had hoped she would be off of my mind but she was far from it. I take a hot shower and then head out.

I go down to the café and I figured she would still be gone but to my surprise she is there behind the counter singing along and swaying her hips back and forth. There is not a line today and I walk right up to the counter. When she looks up at me her smile fades a little but then she smiles again. "Atticus...hi...I guess the usual?" She turns before I can even say anything and walks over to the coffee machine and then pours me a cup. She walks back over and she kind of looks embarrassed to see me. She looks down towards the floor and sets the cup on the counter without looking back up at me. "Enjoy."

"Stella...at least you can do is look at me." She slowly looks up. "I'm sorry about the other night."

"No worries...I just thought you liked me and I was so embarrassed about the whole thing. I acted like a total bitch and I'm sorry I shouldn't have never said those things I said to you."

"It's fine...I am a prick and you were a little on the tippsy side. I just didn't want to you to do something that you would regret...you know."

"I know." She looks around and then down at her watch to look at the time. "Hey I am getting ready to go on break; would you like to go for a walk maybe we can talk?"

 "Sure." I tell her trying not to show my true feelings. Talk she says. I hate when girls say that they want to talk it makes me wonder what she really wants to say to me. I watch as she clocks out and comes around the counter to take my hand. We walk down the sidewalk and over to the park.

She motions for me to sit with her on the park bench. "I really ddin't mean to call you a prick the other night. You are nothing but a sweetheart to me. You just caught me off guard you know. I mean we were dancing and drinking and having fun and I thought you really like me and then I take you home and practically throw myself at you and you didn't take advantage of me...anyway it really made me upset and confused because here I am taking off my clothes to expose myself to you and you didn't do anything and..."

"Stella...stop..."

She throws her hand out to stop me. "No...listen to me. I'm not saying that I am drop dead gorgous or anything but when a girl shows you her hoo-haas you could at least embrace it and I thought hell maybe I'm not your type after all or hell maybe you are not in to girls and...."

"Whoa....stop right there."

"What...so you're not gay then...what is going on Atticus?"

"No I'm not gay...I freaking love girls." I see her reaction to that and try to cover those words up quickly. "I like girls alright. I like you."

"Then why couldn't you go through with it?"

"Because...I really like you and you falling in love with me is a mistake."

She gets a little defensive. "Why is it a mistake? Atticus everyone deserves to be loved and that's including you." She reaches up and touches my cheek with her soft hand. I smell the faint scent of her perfume on her wrist.

"Stella, I live a life that you don't want to be a part of. I do things that I am not proud of but I have no choice in the matter. I can't let you get involved with what I am."

She pulls away from me and crosses her hands in front of the her body, wrapping her arms around her middle section. She looks down and shakes her head. "So what do you do? Are you a drug dealer...a part of the mafia...you kill people is that it...or..."

"Stella it's nothing like that but I can't get you involved in any of this."

"Atticus why not? I really like you, why can't we be together. I can handle anything that comes my way."

"No you can't handle this...Stella you don't want to me."

I was shocked when she stands up and looks down at me with these big sad eyes. They quickly fill with tears.  "Well...maybe you are right then. I should go. Look I don't think we should be friends and I wish that you will go elsewhere to get your coffee."

I stand up beside her and try to reach out for her arm but she steps back. "Stella...please don't shut me out."

"Atticus are you fucking for real. You obviously don't want to be with me so...so this is it." She leans in and kisses me lightly on the cheek and turns and walks off. I should go after her however I just sit back down on the bench and look at the space between my feet on the ground.

How could I just let her go like that?