Rescuing Atticus

Plastered again

Song: Weight of the world By Blue October

I'm three sheets to the wind...again...I come home way past curfew and I know my parents are waiting up for me like I even give a shit. I don't know what the big fucking deal is...I'm freaking seventeen and hell it's not like any of my friends parents give a shit if they are out so why in the hell do mine give a shit.

I stumble into the entry way nearly knocking over everything off of the table. Why in the hell do you put a table in the doorway? Only my mother would do something that stupid. I fall flat on my face and then pull myself up on my hands and knees and crawl my way over to the staircase. And of course when I look up, there they both are on the second floor looking down at me. Shit...this night can't get any better.

I see the way they look at me...their fucked up little boy. My mother starts to cry one of those silent cries hoping he doesn't hear her, because then he make sure she has a real reason to cry for. I force myself up into standing and the room goes around in circles. I'm surprised that I even make it up the damn stairs. They both glare at me and I don't have a freaking clue what is coming out of their mouths at the moment as I push past them and head straight to the bathroom. I slam the door behind me to keep them out.

Seconds later he is banging on the door making my head throb. I look around, feeling that everything in me is about to come right out and it does...all over the fucking floor. I try not to step in it as I make my way to the toilet and then puke some more. I sit there and contemplate on if I should try to get up or not. Do I really want to face either one of them? My mother crying her fucking eyes out...or him beating the shit out of me, nah I think I will stay in here a little longer.

I force myself up and make it over to the sink to turn on the faucet and then splash water on my face. I have no idea what happens next as the room around me goes black.I wake up in a fog, flat on my face on the floor laying in puke. Shit this again. This is not the first time I have found myself down here on the cold tile floor laying in vomit.

I can still hear them on the other side of the door. He keeps yelling at her and she yells right back. My head throbs in pain as I force myself back up. I see the guy standing in the broken mirror before me...there are shards of glass inside of his face and dried blood from all the cuts. He is threatening me again... "Don't make me come in there dammit, dammit, dammit...I told you the last time you come home like this and you are out, out, out...fucking out, out, out. You hear me in there dammit...you wait till I get my hands on you, open this mother-fucking door, door, door." My God his voice echoes in my head, just shut the fuck up all ready.

I hear my mother...she is crying...as always. She has tried to heal me...she has tried to make everything disappear but I hate to tell her that none of it is working...it never will. No amount of therapy or meds is ever going to help. Why because I will always be fucked up. They will never understand the shit that I go through every day...no one gets it and no one ever will. I know the moment that I open that door...he will kick my ass and hell maybe I deserve it like all the other times. His not my real father, my father would have never left a hand on me but this one thinks he can tell me what to do and doesn't give a shit what my mother thinks. The day I turn eighteen I am so out of this hellhole. Or maybe it just might be sooner because as I turn the knob to the door he comes barging in.

He sees the state of the bathroom...broken glass, splattered blood...puke stained floors. His tightened up fist comes smashing into my face. I fall backwards and fall to the floor with a loud thud.Oh he doesn't stop there. He reaches down and jerks me up. "I hope you don't think your mom is going to clean up this shit...what the hell are you doing in here?" He looks over at my arm...my fake attempt to slice my wrist sometime in the night...hell I don't even remember trying to do that. I wonder if that was right before I blacked out.