One sided love

Chapter 12 - Tears

Lee Jieun's pov

"Miss, you do know your condition, right?" the doctor asked me.

"Yes," I said calmly with a slight nod. The doctor sighed and I slowly grew worried. Was it really that bad?

"You should quit your marriage already," he simply stated and crossed his arms. Mr. Kwon is the doctor I have known ever since I was born. He was our family doctor and knew everything that was going on with our family, even my marriage and the fact that it was fake.

He never lied to us, he believed on telling things the way they were without those sugary words decorating them. I appreciated him for that in my situation, and also the fact he said what he sincerely thought.

Maybe some day I will do that as well. I'd straighten up and tell Myungsoo how much he hurt me. But knowing me, there will not be a day like that.

"How bad is it?" I asked worriedly. I was afraid of his answer, afraid to hear a set date for my death. This was the first time he actually hesitated to say something to me and that made me worry. He wasn't like that, he didn't usually consider how to say things in the best way possible.

"I'm afraid it's really bad..." He started and studied my eyes for my reaction.

My whole body turned tense but I tried not to look away from his eyes. I didn't want to cry or show him how much I wanted to do just that. Because that wasn't what I wanted to be. A weak person. A person that fears her own destiny. No, I wanted to be strong. I wanted to show everyone I would be just fine even if they didn't worry.

"You're lifetime is cut in half according to our tests," he suddenly blurted, waking me up back to the grim reality.

I didn't know if I had the strength to act strong after hearing that. My life had already been so limited with all the treatments that didn't work and I was going to die before even turning 18, I knew that.

I knew I couldn't travel to New York, Paris or Rome. I couldn't roam in the jungle full of dangerous beasts. I couldn't memorize every star constellation there is up in the sky. I could never see the Disney World, Legoland or any ordinary amusement park.

I had lived in the dark for my whole life. I had the highlight of my life already, but even that just draws me nearer to the edge of that cliff I had to jump down soon. And my heart didn't want to do that. It screamed 'don't jump' but it also knew I had to. I had no choice against it.

And now my time had been cut even shorter.

"Jieun are you alright?" doctor Kwon asked.

I nodded sadly and stood up to leave. I bowed to him and walked slowly towards the parking lot where Sehun was waiting for me already. I silently climbed in the car and we took off. We were heading home, the real home that had my loving parents waiting for me. They wanted to know what the doctor said, but I didn't want to tell them.

Would any parent like to hear that their child was about to die even sooner now? No, they wouldn't. I didn't like it when they cried, but there was that one day I knew it couldn't be helped. The day I wouldn't be there for them to comfort them. The day, my mother wouldn't stop crying. The day my father would show his tears in public for the first time. The day everything would end, at least for me.

"So how bad was it?" Sehun asked and surprised me.

I pondered what to answer and glanced at the front mirror, meeting his eyes. They were puffy and red, indicating how much I had hurt him with this marriage. I looked at his messy hair that would be a barber's nightmare, his now skinnier face that had lost it's warmth and I knew those were all because of me, and now I was about to hurt him even more.

"Bad. Very bad," I muttered, hoping he didn't hear.

He did, I noticed it when he suddenly stopped the car to turn and look at me better. I knew the sadness in his eyes were just a reflection of my own teary eyes. I knew his worry grew when he saw me this vulnerable, this... weak.

"Let's go." I stated and started looking outside the window, avoiding eye contact with him.

We arrived at the house in silence and my mother ran to hug me outside. I hugged her gladly, taking the warmth she gave me and stored it in my heart for protection.

"Oh baby..." She cooed and stroke my hair gently. My father came beside us and hugged me as well.

"How was it sweetie?" I was touched by the way they called me. They called me with tender names, ignoring the fact who they were for once. It was all I had ever wished for.

I had never been called anything but Jieun or daughter before. Sehun was the only one that called me with some sort of a nickname but that ended the moment he found out I had fallen in love with someone else, as he had deemed it inappropriate after that. 

In the end I was dragged inside and the maids had prepared me a warm blanket, since it was a bit chilly today, and also a cup of hot chocolate.

"Thank you," I thanked them and they gave me a bow with a wide smile.

Our maids were sort of like my friends. My own personal driver was my best friend. My house was my only playground and school just a responsibility I had to take care of. My parents were the moneymakers that loved me, I knew that. But I was always alone.

Well, perhaps not completely alone, I did have my maids that used to play with me more when I was younger and more lonely. Usually, I'd gather some of them in my room and we would gossip about boys all night long. That way I could feel like a normal child for once.

"How was it?" my mother asked me. I looked at her fairy-like features again, admiring her beauty I hadn't inherited as I took after my father more. We were very alike as well, very strong willed and wise, the latter which I seriously took into reconsideration since I wasn't so sure if it fit me.

"Mother... Father... I need to tell you something," I said boldly, holding back the anxiousness inside of me.

They knew it was something serious so they patiently waited for what I had to say in silence. It took me a while to gather myself and I tried to look for words that wouldn't hurt them too much. I knew that there was no way to avoid that, no words to take away the pain that would follow, so I just blurted it out.

"My lifetime... is a lot shorter than we thought," I finally said and closed my eyes as I let the information to really sink into their minds.

My mother gasped in shock so loud that I felt like my whole body was trembling. I heard the sobs that came from her and soon those sobs became big tears of sorrow, tears for the lost one. I hadn't died yet, but it certainly did feel like it. I wanted to comfort her and tell her everything was okay but no words came out.

I just silently stood there, watching how she cried. I saw the few tears that dropped down my father's cheek and it was really hard to hold back mine. It was the first time I saw him cry, the first time he felt like showing those tears for me. It was the first time he thought he could show his vulnerable side instead of the strong one, to finally show me how much he cared for me.

And there was nothing I could do to stop them. I could only listen to the rain that mixed up with their sobs and my father's comforting words towards my mother. I wished it would be over soon, I couldn't handle the pain I gave everyone.

I couldn't handle my own fate.