One sided love

Chapter 4 - The third wheel

Lee Jieun's pov

"Will you be okay?" Sehun, my driver and my best friend, asked in a low voice full of worry. I had to blink few times before my attention could be taken away from the heartbreaking scene in front of me. I admit it, it was hard to hold back the tears that threatened to descend down my cheeks. Or to even look away.

I felt numb inside, like my fate had been sealed by the very moment my eyes locked on them. I felt heartbroken, and a bit dumb on top of that. I felt really stupid to keep on holding him, though he clearly had no feelings for me. I had forcefully tied him up to me, thinking maybe in my grasp he could change. But what part of this was something I didn't already know?

Maybe I was a masochist that enjoyed the pain he kept causing me.

I felt Sehun's gaze on me, studying me. I inhaled deeply and tried to clear up my foggy, empty mind, which failed miserably. But I knew he understood how I felt. He knew the concept of unrequited love a bit too well, actually. He had seen how the person he loved, loved someone else than him. And he had seen his love cry for someone else, being hurt over and over again. But not for him. Nevertheless, he was there for her, comforting her.

It really does hurt when you love someone more than yourself, and when you know that person is unreachable in every way. Yet you always want to stay there with them, support them in every possible way, but it's just impossible. It hurts way too much. Even if you force yourself, you'll only suffer more.

And he has suffered more than enough already.

Now, why would I know what he has been through? Heartbreakingly, I am the reason he has felt it. I am his unreachable evening star. Even before he had a change of confessing to me, I kind of rejected him with my own fallen heart.

When I was smaller, I kept thinking that my heart would eventually respond to his, but I was wrong. Instead of that, I kept hurting him everyday. Still he was stayed for me like a fool, supporting me in my foolish delusions of my first love. He would never leave me alone without me requesting it, or more like he wouldn't leave me even after I'd ask him to.

Not like Myungsoo. And I knew Sehun would never make me cry. But I just kept killing him in my own way, time after time, as my heart stubbornly decided to belong only to Myungsoo. The one that loved to stomp on my heart in return. Why girls' hearts lean more to the bad ones?

Getting back to reality from my thoughts, I recalled I still hadn't given him any response. I quickly nodded at him, smiling weakly and trying to assure him I was okay. I was not okay. I think he knew I wasn't, but he still smiled back with a smile way too similar to mine.

It was a smile that revealed his once again broken heart.

I couldn't bare to see him with that hurt look anymore, not without feeling this big pile of guilt inside of me. It just made me feel like such a bad person. But it also reminded me of how similar I was to Myungsoo. Maybe I was the bad girl in his life, his own little heartbreaker. I glanced at Sehun one last time before opening the door and stepping out of the car.

I waved at him as he left with the black car, leaving him to heal his wounds that I ripped open again. But now, I had another problem to get over with. I walked towards the school's gate with a smile plastered on my face, but I stopped right in front of the smooching couple, my husband and Bae Suzy. I didn't dare to interrupt their sweet whisperings to notify we were indeed in school's property.

No, I just stood there, staring afar and watching the flying birds that passed by us three. Me as the third wheel on this thing. How I'd like to be that bird that can freely fly in this world without any worries and just leave whenever I wanted to...

I sighed accidentally, and finally the lovely young couple managed to notice my existence. I bowed to both of them and tried to act like it was nothing unusual to see them kissing openly like that. I should respect my husband and his girlfriend after all. Myungsoo, surprise surprise, only snorted at me when he saw me, and then took Suzy's hand in his, leading her inside school.

It was such a shame, really. I had even tied my hair on a ponytail, like he had told me to do the other day in the restaurant. I had shortened my school uniform like he said. I had no make-up either. I had put a lot of effort to look like he had wished me to look.

Still I didn't seem to be noticeable for him, but I didn't let that bother me. That much, at least. That's what I was aiming for, to control over my desperate feelings. I'd do anything for him. I'd pick the moon from the sky if I'd have to. I'd take those stars that shined beautifully, and that burning, hot sun that was necessary for life as well, if he only asked.

Silently, I started following after them, not uttering a word so that I wouldn't interrupt them in any way. Only my existence itself seemed to make Suzy feel a bit uncomfortable, though. I tried hard not to be conspicuous, but I wasn't good enough.

She turned around and glared at me, propably thinking that I was some kind of stalker or even a person that wanted to harm her or her precious Myungsoo. 'Her' Myungsoo... I abruptly stopped walking, and only stood there staring at the floor as it isn't polite to stare other people all the time.

I looked up to see her, I smiled and bowed again, confusing her with my strange behaviour. After I had bowed, I offered my hand with a wide smile that was a bit forced, but I hope it wasn't that abvious.

"I apologize that I didn't introduce myself earlier. I am Myungsoo's fiancé. It's nice to meet you, Bae Suzy. I hope we can be friends!" I said and tried my best to sound cheery. She narrowed her eyes and glared at Myungsoo. He, on the other hand, glared at me. I knew what I had to do, even though I knew I would only hurt myself while doing so.

"Don't worry, miss Suzy. We agreed that he can date you. You are his chosen one, so I should respect that." I said and lowered my head slightly. Not because I hadn't agreed to do this, we hadn't discussed this at all. But because I was embarrased that I almost messed up my husband's life. I almost let my unconsciousness to do it's evil little trick.

Suzy smiled her relieved smile that showed her deep love towards my husband. I smiled and slowly disappeared to the shadows while they stared at each other lovingly. I certainly did not want to disturb the love birds that had their love blossoming the fullest.

I smiled to myself proudly while I walked in the empty corridors, which referred to the fact that we were way too late already. Unlike my usual self, I walked out to our school's yard, enjoying the songs birds sang while humming few of those notes after them. I remembered Myungsoo's relieved smile that was like Suzy's awhile ago and I knew I did the right thing.

He just didn't know the sacrifice I just made, giving him his love and destroying mine. No.. It could not be destroyed like that. It was too strong for that. But even that strong love would disappear like it never existed. Because no matter what, I didn't think he'd break up with her. Even if I tried, he wouldn't.

I thought I could use this 'spare time' I had in my hands usefully, maybe studying in the library. You know, waiting for the classes to end. So needless to say, I was surprised when someone suddenly pinned me to wall. But I didn't even flinch. Heck, I didn't even know if I was still alive from the emotion havoc earlier.

I looked up to see the person responsible for this. And that if something was a huge surprise. It was the real Kim Myungsoo standing right in front of me, his gorgeus face only inches away from mine. In my dreams, he would kiss me right now. But this was the cruel reality and he'd more propably hit my face for being a bad wife. Or meddling his, an almost stranger's, relationships.

I didn't believe he would actually do that, and I was really relieved to see that I was right.

"Why did you have to do that? Are you trying to ruin my life like my parents have done already?" He asked and I just looked at him with an admiring smile that he didn't manage to notice. He was blinded by rage, it seemed. But I wasn't going to lie.

"No. I truly meant what I said. Date her if you want, but please marry me." I said with all the courage I had. There, I said it. What would he do to me now?