The only reason to marry is Love - A Sanditon fanfic

Chapter 5: Sharing the little joys in life

That evening, Sidney slumped down in an armchair in front of the fireplace. They had returned from their excursion some time earlier and both gone to their separate chambers to freshen up before dinner. Now he sat swirling a whisky around in the tumbler without drinking much, waiting for Huffington to announce dinner was served, content to let his thoughts drift randomly and listen to the crackle from the fire. For some reason he felt more at ease than he had in a long time and he was looking forward to having dinner with Charlotte.

He had liked seeing her happy today. More than could be expected, he reflected and took a sip of his drink without really sensing the taste. First, when he gifted her the ring and even more so when he accompanied her to the dress-maker. She had been so visibly surprised and appreciative, and it had warmed his jaded heart. It was not the first time his own actions and emotions in regard to her surprised him. He had spent considerable time in Rundell and Bridge's jewellery shop the day before, picking out the ring he thought would suit her best, one which was delicate and beautiful, without even considering the price. He had been disappointed upon discovering that she was not home to receive it when he returned that afternoon, then concerned when he understood how long she had been gone and knowing it soon would get dark outside. On horseback he had searched for her in streets, alleys and parks and had been beside himself with worry before he found her. He, who rarely let anyone, or anything get under his skin. Her defiant ungratefulness which indirectly ridiculed his feelings, had driven him mad and caused him to lash out at her when all he truly wanted was to embrace her and tell her how extremely relieved he was to encounter her safe and sound.

He did not want them to be enemies and making up this morning had restored a calm inside him. Finally there had been a moment to give her the gift and sliding the ring onto her finger had felt special somehow. It was strangely romantic and sensual, even if there neither was love nor physical attraction between them. He was not sure why he had felt so irrationally disappointed when she reminded him of that their marriage was a sham, or so happy when she thanked him for helping her and took back her previous harsh words that she hated being his wife.

He knew by now that he did not hate being her husband, but it had turned out a more difficult task than he had imagined. He had imagined she would be appropriately grateful for being saved from a life in ruin and then he would not notice her much, but she was so much more will-strong and intelligent than he had expected. When she told him she was not made of porcelain, he had to admit to himself that he had imagined she would not be much more noticeable than a figurine. He had not anticipated her to feel loneliness, anger or resentment, had not expected her to have ideas about what she wanted to do with her life beyond spending her days quietly embroidering or playing the piano. She was annoyingly demanding and opinionated, but also stimulating and amusing. He had laughed more today than he had in a long time.

It had been such an unexpected pleasure to accompany her to the modiste. It had been a spur-of-the-moment idea but one which he had not regretted one second. He did not know when he last had felt such pure happiness. Probably when he as a boy played on the beach during his summers in Sanditon, before he realised that the world was a dark place filled with greed and betrayal.

He knew from listening with half an ear to high society ladies' dull conversations, that the best modiste in all of London was Madame Devy's so he brought Charlotte there. He had watched her as they stepped inside the large locale and saw how the size of her eyes double and she unconsciously grasped his arm, something he quite liked.

"Is anything the matter?"

"This is just so different from the dress-maker in our village, the one where my sisters and I go to have our gowns made. This place is enormous, so many people working here, all those shelves filled with rolls of fabrics. I do not know how I will be able to choose one dress."