*A/N: We need some improper quotes right about now, so here they are!*
Petey: Alright, you little yeet!
Li'l Petey: What's a yeet?
Petey: Just get in the flowerpot.
Li'l Petey: *grins* What's a flowerpot?
Petey: *facepalms* I can't believe you're my son.
Li'l Petey: *grins even more* What's a son?
Petey: ARGHHHHHHHH! YOU'RE SO FRUSTRATING, KID!
Li'l Petey: What's a kid?
Petey: I give up. Do you hear me? I give up! *walks away*
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Dog Man: I'm gonna eat that pussy like its ice cream.
Petey: That's just nasty, Dog Man.
Dog Man: I know. *grins*
Petey: *facepalms*
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Chief: You can eat pig, you know.
Piggy: *bead of sweat slides down face*
Chief: And I'm hungry.
Piggy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Piggy: I win! I beat you! HAW, HAW!
Petey: But you know what you HAVEN'T beat?
Piggy: What?
Petey: My success in life.
Piggy: WAHHHHHHHH!
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RoboBrontosaurus: *breaks down*
Piggy: NOOOOOOOO!
Bub: Sad.
Li'l Petey: 80-HD, play Despacito.
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Li'l Petey: DAMN IT!
Yolay: *gasps* W-what did you just say?
Petey: Chillax, it's not bad.
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Patricia: *places a drawing in front of Li'l Petey*
Li'l Petey: "Bad fat Petey"? Patricia, you can't say that about Papa!
Petey: Say WHAT about Papa?
Li'l Petey: NO!
Petey: *looks at the picture* SO, you think I look like THIS, do ya? Well, you've just lost a good noodle star!
Li'l Petey: NO! NO! NO! NO! *falls to the ground when Petey takes off the good noodle star*
Patricia: Papa, is it nap time yet?
Petey: I HAVE HAD ENOUGH WITH YOU, KID! GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW! YOU'RE GROUNDED!
Li'l Petey: Thanks a lot, Patricia.
Patricia: *helpfully* You're welcome!
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*The master bedroom is a mess. Dog Man has COMPLETELY messed it up with his dog instincts.*
Petey: Dog Man, what the actual HELL did you just do?!
Dog Man: Nothing.
Petey: You dumb mutt, you just- *kisses Dog Man*
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*The phone rings. Chief answers it.*
Chief: Hello?
Jail Warden: There's been a jail escape!
Chief: Where?
Jail Warden: At the jail!
Chief: Oh. I'll put my best man on it! OH, DOG MAN!
*Dog Man enters & jumps on Chief. As always.*
Chief: No, wait! NOOOOO! STOP IT!! GET OFF! DOWN, BOY!! MBLFFF! QUIT IT! BAD DOGGY! WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION!
Dog Man: Sorry, Chief.
Chief: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS JUMP ON ME WHEN I CALL YOU OVER?!
Dog Man: Cuz it's fun.
Chief: *facepalms* Oh, brother.
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*Everywhere Petey went, dumb stuff happened.*
Petey: I would like 12 donuts please.
Dumb Saleslady: Hi, welcome to Drippy's.
Petey: Uh, hi. 12 donuts, please.
Dumb Saleslady: Can I take your order?
Petey: YES! 12 donuts please!
Dumb Saleslady: Sorry, we only sell them by the dozen.
Petey: OK. I'll take a DOZEN, then.
Dumb Saleslady: Sorry, we don't have a dozen. We only have 16!
Petey: FINE! GIMME 16 THEN!
Dumb saleslady: 16 bagels!
Petey: No wait. I want donuts not bagels.
dumb saleslady: geez make up ur mind. do u want mustard on those?
petey: mustard? what for?
dumb saleslady: for ur bagels!
petey: I don't want mustard! I don't want bagels! I just want donuts! DONUTS! DO-NUTS!
dumb saleslady: OK, OK. u don't have to yell. i'm not an idiot. i'm an intelligent person. don't be disrespecting me.
petey: sorry.
dumb saleslady: that's better. here are your bagels, lady!
*ZONG!*
homeless guy: hey buddy. can u help me? I haven't eaten in 3 days. I'm starving.
petey: here have some bagels.
homeless guy: no thanks. I don't like bagels.
*ZONG!*
petey: *smacks guy with the bagel, leaving it on his head*
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That's all folks! See ya guys later!
YOU ARE READING
The Dog Man Extra Crunchy Book O' Fun
Short StoryJust some short stories revolving around Dog Man & Co. My first fanfic.
