Unspoken Truths

1. Desire

Leaving my room, I stop at my door to listen. Figuring that the coast was clear, I made my way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Opening the fridge, I grab a few grapes as well and eat them. I just love fruits in the morning, well, in general. Pouring myself a glass as I pop the last grape into my mouth, I hear the thud of a door being shut and light footsteps heading this way. Great, here we go. 

"Morning", my childhood friend Katelyn chimes through the hall. 

I say nothing and just resume washing my dishes. It's been about two months since Katelyn and Dylan have been together. I have to give her props, this has been the longest relationship yet for her. For me, it has been two agonizing months seeing those two together. From forehead kisses, make out sessions, stolen glances, to Dylan blatantly oggling and fondling Katelyn. I've been a witness to it all.

Don't misunderstand, I'm not pining over the fact that I'm not in a relationship. No, I'm pining over the fact that I'm not the one she's with. I'm happy that Katelyn has finally found someone that makes her happy and isn't crying all hours of the night. But I'm also sad that it isn't me that puts that smile on her face or who she looks at with such emotions.

To put salt on the wound, we share a loft.

"Someone's in a bad mood", she pouts as she enters the kitchen.

"Well you know me, I'm not much of a morning person", I comment, placing the glass pitcher of water back into the fridge. Not paying her any mind, I walked past her towards my room.

Everytime Dylan's over, I'm made to hear her moans he elicits from her. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Dylan steps out of the room in a towel from a morning shower, his entire built frame on display. He always does this, so much so that it's almost like it's intentional. I roll my eyes at him and disappear in my room.

My life is so comically sad it's funny. Now taking my usual path that I run every morning. The dew from the grass at my feet, soaks my shoes with every step. The sun peaking to say hi above the umbrella of thick branches above me. Little critters creak and buzz all around me. At least that's what I assume, since I'm wearing my headphones listening to music at the highest volume suitable. Two hours go by as I complete my last lap for the morning. With that, it marks the end of my workout. Stretching every muscle in my body to prevent any discomfort I may have later. I begin my finish lap back to the loft. I took the stairs to add to my workout, still feeling a bit energized this morning.  I decided to take a long hot shower after entering the loft. Not much for me to do today, but I have to get out. I can't stay here right now.

Maybe I'll go spar at the gym. Grabbing a bag of clothes, I close the door to my room and rush towards my keys in the tray on the kitchen counter. Just in time to see Dylan and Kate sucking face. Great way to start my morning, the jingle of my keys disrupts their little moment.

"Oh Sam, where are you going, isn't it your day off today", Kate asks, stepping away from Dylan a little embarrassed.

I don't really understand the embarrassment seeing as this isn't the first time I walked in on them. 

"Yeah I'm going out", is all I said as I grabbed my helmet and exited the loft. I need to get out of here and clear my head, because if I don't I just might blow up on Kate. 

That is until, the girl in question tugs at my arm.

"Wait..", she says.

I pull my arm away from her grasp a bit too harshly. Her touch, even though tainted by the known fact that she had sex with Dylan just a few hours ago, still made butterflies inhabit my stomach. Stupid fucking feelings. Her face saddens at my actions, clenching her fist by her side. 

"Sorry", I manage to mutter. 

I didn't intend to do that, I just don't want her to touch me right now. 

"It's fine I shouldn't have grabbed you like that, it's my bad", she says dismissively. She smiles awkwardly, her attempt at trying to convince me, I guess. She continues, " I just thought that maybe we could go out together like old times". 

"Old times", I repeat absentmindedly. Even then, we barely hung out. Then again, at least we hung out. Nowadays, all we can manage is a 'good morning' or a 'goodnight'. I should say me, though. At least Kate's been trying. But the thing is, her 'trying', always came with an attachment. 

I look up, away from my thoughts, to find her eyes searching mine expectantly. 

" I.. can't", I say. 

I look away at anything, but her. i

In desperate hope that she'd be satisfied with just that. Knowing Kate, I'd have to think of an excuse. It physically hurts me to lie to her, but I'd prefer that over yelling. And I'm this close to doing just that if she insists on pushing. 

"Oh..", she purses her lips for a moment as if thinking about her next words to say to me. " Can I ask why", she asks a little above a whisper with a look that can put the famous sad 'puppy eyes' to shame. 

" I just.. have alot going on right now", I confess. 

" You know you can talk to m-"

" No, I can't", I shout.

I'm so done with this right now. I have to leave, this isn't gonna turn out great for any of us if I stay any longer. With that, I finally leave without looking back. The door slamming shut behind me. I'm sorry for the one I'll have to spar with.