No Clue

November 15, 2018

     The room shrunk. The smaller it became, the more stress I felt. The more faces I saw. They were of the same person, but all in different conditions. Kelly's face, brutalized in many ways. One was beaten in so badly, you could barely see her perfect eyebrows. Another was beheaded, her eyes still wide opened in terror. And the worst one, her hair pulled out in chunks and marks on her neck from being strangled. 

     Why was this one so bad? It was how she actually died. 

     I got pulled out of my nightmare by my mother. I looked around my family home and saw everyone I had known in the past year. There was my parents, Kelly's parents, Vinny, and then his parents. My siblings couldn't make it. Neither could Vinny's. Kelly's brother and two sisters were barely able to make it. 

     She was the youngest out of the four; therefore, the most spoiled. And that was her siblings doing. Their parents never spent much money on the kids. Kelly's siblings gave her everything. They must have felt empty with no one to give everything to. 

"Sweetie, it's just a daydream. It's not real." My mom was the only pone who could calm me. This time, though, it wasn't working as much.

"Mom, what am I supposed to do? She was strangled to death! Killed brutally! Had her hair ripped out of her scalp! How are you not thinking about it?" I look around the room. Everyone's eyes were focused on one thing. It wasn't my eyes. I had been curled up into a ball on the couch with my legs tucked tight to my chest. Yet, there was blood dripping down my legs. Vinny's eyes especially had been focused on them. No one knew what to do though. The living room was full of people and not one breath was heard. 

     I rush off to the bathroom and sit on the toilet. The toilet seat was down already. My dad had always made that an odd rule in my house. If the toilet seat was up, it was a 25 cent fine. And that money would go straight into the jar. 

     I checked my legs out. Blood had been slipping out of the scars I made on my legs. I had made many. Throughout the night, I had slept with my thighs pressed against my chest, with my nails digging straight into shins. I couldn't even feel the pain. I thought if I could feel this pain, it would make the emotional pain go away. 

It's not working. 

     I grabbed the darkest color towel I could find. I didn't want to ruin any of my mom's nice white ones. The towels she used for when my grandparents came into town. Something where she would need to show off her perfection through towels. It would never make sense to me. 

     I visciously cleaned my legs. I didn't want to see the blood anymore. It was stuck in my head. 

     I had asked to see the crime scene photos. I don't know why I did, but I did. Something in me wanted to see her one last time. See her pain. Know how she was feeling in her final moments. I wanted that so badly. I dremt about that image all throughout the night. I magined a man taking control of her and doing those awful things to her body. Destroying it, using it, and ultimately, treating it like it was nothing but trash. 

     After cleaning myself up, I walked back out into the living room. All eyes immediately turned to me. Everyone knew this was the hardest on me. I lost my best friend. The one person on this planet that I could tell my deepest secrets to. Sure, her family had lost someone biologically related to them, but everyone knew that she was my family. I spent most of my high school social time at her house. My house was a mess and made me stressed. I could always feel at home there. Kelly and her family made me feel safe.

     I coouldn't take the stares any longer. I grabbed my keys from the kitchen counter and sped out the door. Vinny chased after me. I couldn't bare to look at him. I didn't want him to see me so hurt, so broken. Something he hadn't truly seen me as our entire relationship. I wanted him to think I was strong. To know I could be there for him and supporty him in times of need. But if I showed myself as weak, how would he ever trust me to lean on? 

"Lexi, where are you going?" He had to yell a little. I was just distanced enough. 

I turned a round agressively"Somewhere where I'm not reminded of her. Somewhere where I can have peace. Maybe the ocean. Maybe the mountains. I don't know, Vinny!" I take myself out of the situtation and realize how hurt he felt. I could see it in his face. It wasn't his fault that Kelly died. He was just trying to help me feel good again. He had a good heart and was trying to use it. All I was doing was breaking it more.

     Vinny and Kelly had been best friends ever since I introduced them. We became the three amigos. It was like we were all meant to find each other. It just took some searching. Luckily, we found each other when we all needed everyone the most. We all had some family drama. Hanging out together was the way to solve this. When I was with them, nothing could make me feel bad. I was the happiest person alive. I had my amazing boyfriend and my best friend right by my side. And they got along. What more could I have asked for?

     Instead of comforting Vinny, I got in my car. I wasn't thinking about anything else. I just wanted to get away from everyone who reminded me of her. And every single person in that room made me think of her. I couldn't take it any longer. 

     I had no clue where I was going. I just drove. I drove as far away from that house as possible. Every street was another right turn. Maybe a left at the next street. Perhaps I wouldn't stop going straight for a mile. It was all a mystery to me, but I liked that. 

     

Thanks for reading, folks! Have a good day. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, because I had a lot of fun writing it.

<3 alexarayk10