No Clue

November 15, 2018

     I walked into the gas station like it was nothing. I needed to smoke. My anxiety was way too high. I knew it was bad for you, but I didn't care. It wasn't as bad as death. 

     I hadn't smoked in 2 years. Kelly was the one who helped me stop. Vinny had also supported me greatly. Both of them pushed me to stay sober. I could see her face looking at me as I lit a cig up like I had done it my whole life. Putting the end up to my lips and breathing in the smoke that was going to kill my lungs. And that image killed me more than that cigarette ever could. 

     I walked up to the counter very confused. I had blocked out all the information on the smoking world. It helped me move on from that phase of my life. 

"I would recommend Malboro." I knew he saw the confusion in my face. I stared back, but my face was still perplexed. I wanted to look like I still knew what I was doing, but my face didn't know how to. 

     And with that, I left. I didn't say one word back. I had no clue what to say. Recently, my word bank was limited. All I could think about was seeing Kelly's face. Not the face she had when she was found on the side of the road. The face of her waving goodbye to me as I strutted home, feeling exhausted. This was the last time I saw her. It was engraved into my brain. My memory was branded with her face. 

     I decided it was best for me to go home. My home, though. Not with my parents or Kelly's. I wanted my home. 

     The drive was hard. I started crying out tears I didn't even know I had. It had been two days since the police walked up to my doors and I had cried so much. I would just close my eyes. It was either that or look at everything in my hours and cry because it reminded me of Kelly. I would think about how unfair it was for such a wonderful person to be assaulted like that. Added on all the memories the home had.

     I finally entered my home. The one I came home to every day. The home that made me feel safe and loved. 

     Upon my entry, I look up and see Vinny. I had not been expecting him. I fell back onto the door and hit my head. "Lexi!" Vinny ran up to me very quickly. I saw him bounce off the couch immediately. He had no hesitation in his steps. 

     I slide down the door, landing on my butt gently. I held the back of my head softly. I could instantly feel blood coming out of it. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to distract myself from the pain. I tried to imagine the fact that I could have been dead... like Kelly.

Short, but sweet. I'm trying to get new chapters out as fast as I can! Love you guys!~ alexarayk