Golden Era (Book 2)

75. Goodbye, My Love (II)

Sachi woke to the staccato beats from the cardiac monitor. He realized he was waking up in a hospital bed again, an occurrence so frequent that it was starting to become routine. With some effort, he tried to roll over and found himself strapped in. 

"Sachi," someone called his name, immediately followed by a light touch on his shoulder.

He turned to see Ayuna sitting at his bedside.

At first, he thought it was a dream he started having recently, one where she'd slept next to him in the Tokyo hospital years ago. He looked into her eyes for a long time, afraid any movement was going to shatter this mirage.

But the Ayuna in front of him was real. She was pouring him a glass of water and then reaching out to check his temperature. Her touch was real. She wasn't the aftereffect of too much whiskey or conjuring of his pathetic, wishful thinking. Ayuna was really here.

"How are you feeling?" she asked softly. Night had fallen and the skies had cleared up. Starlight fell through the small window in patches, surrounding her profile with an amorphous glow.

"Horrible," he said.

"Do you want me to fetch the surgeon?"

Sachi shook his head no. He went on looking at her, "Why are you here?"

"I came when I heard about your injury. Do you remember what happened?"

It took tremendous effort for recent memory to return. First coming to his mind were snow-covered evergreens, the trackless forest floor and grating caws from the crows. He vaguely remembered charging onto an incline while Yosuke shouted for him to slow down. Before long, his horse had misstepped, catapulting him in midair. His shoulders hit the frozen ground with a sickening crunch. He'd felt nothing then, except thinking that this was his last moment.

Finally, he said, "So what if I do? It doesn't concern you."

"I don't blame you for thinking so, but I had to come and see you anyway."

"Why?"

"I had to know if you're okay."

"So you'd be rid of guilt?"

Ayuna seized up. Sachi felt a stab of regret for being unkind, but he didn't apologize.

Instead of responding, Ayuna held out the glass of water, "Have some water. You've been unconscious for a while and lost a lot of fluid."

Sachi turned his face aside. "I thought I made it clear that I want nothing to do with you. This includes being a recipient of your pity."

"I see," she said, her voice barely audible. Setting down the glass, Ayuna stood up to leave.

Before she took her first step, Sachi grabbed her wrist with his good hand. Gritting his teeth, he propped himself up and kept her in place. It cut open to see how effortlessly it was for her to walk away. Fingers digging into her skin, he demanded, "What was it like?"

Ayuna waited.

"What was it like for you to be with me?"

"I was happy with you, Sachi," replied Ayuna sincerely. "I never had the chance to tell you this, but there wasn't a day that I felt unhappy with you. You were the first to accept me and you made me feel safe during a time when there was chaos everywhere. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably still be lost. If not that, I would likely be dead by now. I owe you more than I can ever repay. Even if we're no longer lovers, I'm still thankful for you and I will remember everything you did for me." 

Her answers agonized him. She cared about him and he occupied a spot in her heart. But he would not be her everything.

More mixed-up than ever, he said, "You'll remember me, but that's it."