Golden Era (Book 2)

49. Love is Blind

Days later, there was still no news from Ryoma or Fuji.

With the registration deadline looming, Ayuna became increasingly restless. On the fourth day of silence, she dropped non-urgent tasks at the council and drove straight to Fuji's apartment. Knowing he would be finished with the medical school entrance exam today, she hoped he would be more open to talking. 

Just woken up from a nap, Fuji's voice was froggy from sleep when he greeted Ayuna at the door. At the kitchen table, she laid out a bento of broiled fish, rolled omelets, salad, pickles, and rice balls. The intense exam preparation had worn Fuji out and he seemed to have lost weight.

Sitting down together, she set out utensils and watched Fuji eat, relieved that stress hadn't affected his appetite. Over a late lunch, Fuji brought up the fundraiser for the first time, asking if everything was going according to plan.

Ayuna seized her chance. "Inui told me that you didn't sign up and you don't pick up when he calls."

"I haven't had the chance to think about it," replied Fuji evasively.

"If you don't want to be part of it," said Ayuna softly, "you can tell me."

He set down his chopsticks. "To be honest, I didn't expect you to find out like this."

"You didn't want me to find out at all, so I wouldn't try to convince you otherwise, right?"

Fuji grimaced. "You've caught on."

"Did you really think you could hide it from the main organizer?"

"I guess that was pretty senseless of me."

Ayuna made a face at him then set both elbows on the table. "I won't try to persuade you into anything, so will you tell me what's really going on? It's unlike you to sit out, especially when nearly everyone from Seigaku has agreed to come."

"Nearly everyone?"

"All except Ryoma." Eyes downcast, she sighed, "That's to be expected."

Fuji nodded and began quietly, "After what happened, I'm not sure how I can face everyone again."

"I'm sorry to put you in a difficult situation," she said, looking into his eyes. It was unfair to ask him to lie to their friends, to hold onto a trove of secrets all alone. She wished they didn't have to play this twisted game, but life never quite played out simply. 

Reaching across the table, Fuji held her hand, "Please don't blame yourself. Although it'll be tricky to hide our relationship, that's not the only reason why I wanted to opt out."

"Why else?"

There was some reluctance before Fuji confessed, "I'm not sure I have what it takes to compete anymore."

Ayuna couldn't believe her ears. "What made you think so?"

"Since you brought up that game with Shiraishi, I've thought about tennis a lot. But all that comes to mind is how I've backpedaled while everyone raced forward. I've pretty much dropped the sport. How can I possibly stand on the court to face our friends and past rivals, especially those who have gone on to become pros and semi-pros?"

She mulled over his words. It dawned on Ayuna that it was naive of her to think resurrecting the past would benefit everyone. For some, it could be a cruel reminder of the abilities and talents that waned with youth, snuffed out by the weight of living. In that metamorphosis to adulthood, there was a tradeoff—as it was with Fuji.

"I don't know what I can do—or not do—to better the circumstances," said Ayuna after several minutes. "I do know, however, this is a rare chance for everyone to come together for a collective passion. Who knows if a gathering like this will happen again?"