In our language (TreeBros)

Chapter 1

Evans pov

"Dear Evan Hansen,
Today's going to be a great day and here's why,"

I stared at the clock, anxiously waiting. Time always seems to pass by slowly when you're waiting for something, but it's not as though I have anything better to do.

"Here's why.."

It's cold today, as it often had been this week. I wonder if it's going to rain?

"And here's why.."

The room was dark, I hadn't bothered to switch on the lights. 

"And here's-"

The digital clock in the corner hit 7:00 and relief instantly washed over me. Procrastination has always been a close friend of mine. Not literally, of course, I don't actually have a friend, let-alone multiple. I have a Jared, but he's just a family friend, he's made that painfully clear. Honestly, I can't blame him for not wanting to be seen with someone like me.

"Dear Evan Hansen,
Today's going to be a great day and here's why,
Because it's time to leave now, so that means I don't have to write this, what a shame."

I need to write these dumb letters for my therapist, but they don't even help, it's stupid, I'd rather suffer through the day than spend time trying to tell myself how "great" it is..

I stood up and grabbed my bag.
I'm not the most excited to go to school, then again, who ever is? , it's just one of those days where I'd prefer to be anywhere but alone with my thoughts, just anywhere but here.

Mrs.Kliemen Watched from the window as Jared dragged me into his car. His grip was fairly tight on my thin wrist, not that I'd bring it up.
She's been overly-cautious ever since she found out he lied about driving me to school every day.  By now, it's like some sort of ritual I've been conditioned for. I'd let Mrs.kliemen see me get into Jareds car, he'd drive me half way, and then I'd walk. He doesn't drive me home, his mom obviously doesn't know about that though. If she did I'd worry for whatever sanity he has left after last time.

   I don't mind walking. It gives me time to take in the details of the trees around the sidewalk. The closer I get to school the less I can really look at anything but the ground, in order to avoid making eye contact with anyone, but it's nice while it lasts. I'm not as weak as Jared always says I am, sure, I'm not strong or anything, but I have a decent amount of stamina, probably from walking so often. I've become so accustomed to it that it's actually weirder when Jared drives me the entire way. He only does that some days, and today was not one of those days.

          No-one notices me, you think they would, seeing as I'm the mute kid, but those who notice don't really care, not that I'm complaining. I like blending in to the background, It's natural for me. It makes it easier for everyone. 

  All of my days blur together. I'm in an endless cycle of repetitive actions and it's only made me all the more aware of how pointless my life is. I can almost predict what's going to happen before it happens, it's how I get by, nothing changes and no one pays me any mind. I don't have to try to stay out of the spotlight, there's nothing about me that would make anyone even think of pointing it my way, I'm just that dull of a person. 

Dr.Sherman worries about how much focus I have on the things around me, he thinks it's unhealthy for me to look at the world as if I'm not a part of it, but I think it's more like a skill. I can be totally lost in my head and there's still a part of me that's aware of  my surroundings. I don't even have to try, I'm just instinctively hyper-aware. I know the most likely outcome of a lot of situations,  that doesn't stop my mind from believing in every possible negative occurrence that I could be faced with, but hey, it's me, what would I expect.