Thug Fantasies ⏳🖤

uneasing pain 💔

I'm sleeping good throughout the night, then i hear my grandma saying "diamond, diamond" so i get up because I'm not a heavy sleeper. I put on my shorts cause it's men in the house then i go to where she was which was the bathroom inside her room, she looks like she's in distress she says "bring me my asthma pump" i run in the den to get it then i give it to her and she's like "bring me water!! Bring me water!!" I remembered i had water on the nightstand in her room so i get mine because it's the closest to me, she said "get the extension cord out peewee room for my breathing machine" i ran back there to get the extension cord from my uncle and came back, i grabbed the machine from on the side of the chair and ran back to the bathroom and hurried up and put it together, i had to get the medicine to go in it so i run back to get that then i put it in there as fast as i can. She said "call 911, call 911" so i instantly call 911 and tell them what's going on, i said "my grandma can't breathe hurry up and get here!!! Hurry up!!" After i call them, i go outside walking around bare feet, my feet are cold, I'm calling my momma and she's not answering, I'm crying like omgg GOD PLEASEEEE , i continue to call my momma and she's not picking up. I go back inside and i run into my uncle (cup) he's like "i think she's still breathing..i checked her pulse" i ran in there to see her lying face down not moving, i said "MAMAAAAA!!!!!!!??? MAMAAAA!!???" "LORDDD OH MY GOD PLEASE" i instantly call 911 back and run back outside walking around pacing, i said while crying "OMG MY GRANDMA IS ON THE FLOOR NOT MOVING!! WHERE ARE YALL AT!!???" She said "they're in route sweetheart, you're doing good, just stay calm..what i need for you to do is go in there to check and see if she's breathing" i said while crying "omgggg okay" so i run in there and check her pulse, i don't feel anything so i tell the lady "i don't feel anything" then i press down on her skin because she's bright light me, i was trying to see if her blood was circulating but it was taking so long to bounce back. I was about to drive my grandma truck to my momma house and tell her what was going on because she's not answering the phone! I call her back one last time and she answers. I'm like "MOMMY MAMA IS ON THE FLOOR AND SHES NOT MOVING AT ALL" my momma took forever to get there and the ambulance did too. My momma got there before the ambulance. When my momma finally get there she's like "where is she" i said "in her bathroom!" She runs in there like "MRS FRANKIE ??!!! MRS FRANKIE!!!???" "LORD OMGGGGGG" my momma starts crying. The ambulance finally pulls up and goes in there. I'm in my momma truck listening to gospel like "LORD GOD I KNOW EVERYTHING IS IN YOUR HANDS GOD I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING!! PLEASE LORD I NEED MY GRANDMA PLEASEEE" even seeing my circumstances, i didn't rely on them. I believed in God making a WAY! They try to resuscitate her but it doesn't work. God had other plans. On November 25th He Gained another angel. I hate that i had to experience death so young.. i did everything i could have done. I thought back on scenarios over and over about what i should and could have done but truth be told i couldn't have did anything because when God calls you home you're coming!! There is no way around it.

I text jo & tell him that my grandma passed. He's like "stop playing" i said "I'm dead serious why would i play like that?" He said "imma pray that you get thru this with no problem" i said "thank you"
That whole morning it was people coming in and out of the house, seeing her. Grasping onto the news had everybody in the town shook because my grandma had face, she sold cigarettes, chips, pies, sodas, blunts, rolling papers and so on. This lady was a legend in Havana. The whole hood knew her! So it hurt a lot of people. My mind knew she was gone but my soul and heart realm was slow receiving the message. I felt so strong it couldn't have been nothing but God giving me that type of strength.

Me and my sister Fenti wasn't talking at the time but she texts me like "diamond is it true??" I said "yes 💔" she came down there. The people were showing love. They kept my mind off of circumstances. People kept asking me what happened and i told them.

Fast forward. It's the day of the funeral. Fenti's at my house so she could go there with us. We all get ready and go to my grandmas house. We waiting there until we get ready to go to the church. Jai gone text Fenti phone like "you going to the funeral?" Like this some kinda random event. & mind y'all i been told Fenti bout her and the situation but her morals ain't no better so she still fw her & that's why i stopped talking to Fenti on some heavy shit. She just moved in a way ian like. But anyways We at the funeral finna walk in and i see jai & her sister, I'm like ouuu i wanna slap that bitch down so bad but we at a funeral and we can't be doing that, that's ghetto.
We get in there, I'm already crying, cause i can't believe my baby is gone forever. I spent all my time with her like that's my other half. But we in there, I'm boo hoo crying the entire time.
The funeral is over, we go back to eat.

Me, my oldest sister, second to oldest & fenti decide we gone get into something so later on that night we made party food, played drunk uno then hung out a lil piece and finally came home. I was driving drunk, but i was still focused. That oil eased all my pain fr. I wouldn't mind doing that shit again. It really keeps me sane but anyways... yeah

I'm at a point in my life where i think about everything all at once and just break down out the blue. I'm hurt asf fr. I'm at a point in my life where all i can do is draw closer to God. I wanna do everything for him.