so much more than a fan - billie eilish

i don't miss you at all

title: i don't miss you at all - finneas o'connell

elle's POV

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"is that who you were texting?" may asks, sitting up. "what? no! elizabeth texted me asking if i would take her to get burritos!" i defend and sit up as well. "oh yeah? give me your phone" she says and holds her hand out. "what? you want to see my phone? why?" i furrow my eyebrows. "i want to know you aren't lying." she tells me. "why can't you just trust me?" i ask and get out of bed. "why should i? you cheated on billie, you could be doing the same thing to me. now let me see your phone!" she orders. "may, please. think about what you're saying." i grab onto her hand, making her look down at them and take a deep breath. "i just don't want to lose you to someone we all know is better." she sighs. "you're not going to lose me. and there's no one better than you. it's you and i. got it?" i tell her, kissing her hand. "got it." she repeats with a nod. "now let's go see why she's really here." 

we walk downstairs and see billie sitting on the couch with elizabeth and madison. there's a taco bell bag and a drink holder on the counter in the kitchen that i'm sure billie brought. "so, i brought you guys a present" billie smiles a little. "really?!" madison exclaims. "what is it?" elizabeth asks. she digs around in her backpack and pulls out a wrapped gift. "who wants to open it?" billie asks. "i do!" madison answers and tries to snatch it from billie's hands. "hey, hey. you gotta ask nicely. and maybe elizabeth wants to open it" billie tells madison. "can i pretty please open it?" madison rephrases. "elizabeth?" "yeah she can, it's fine." madison opens the present to reveal a game of some sort. we're watching from the stairs so i can't really see it. "just dance 2020?!" elizabeth exclaims. "yeah, i remember how much you two loved just dance so i thought maybe i'd get you this one. have you heard of it yet?" she asks. "no, i didn't know it was a thing until now" madison giggles. "kinda, i don't know what the song list is though" elizabeth shrugs. "well, let's play it" billie says, trying to hide a smile. 

we walk downstairs and sit on the couch as they start the game. "oh, hey. i brought you guys drinks. i didn't know what you'd like so i got you a skittles freeze, elle one of the bahas is for you" billie greets us. "is it a freeze? it better be a freeze billie" i ask. "yes it's a freeze. picky ass" she shakes her head at me. "at least somebody loves me. billie brought me burritos when i asked. unlike someone who said no." elizabeth shakes her head with billie. "i gotchu" billie laughs and fist bumps elizabeth. "okay close your eyes, i want to pick" billie tells them. "okay" madison agrees and covers her eyes. "alright" elizabeth says, furrowing her eyebrows but closing her eyes soon after. i watch as billie scrolls through the song list and stops on one. "wha-" i start but she puts a finger to her lips, telling me not to say anything. "okay, push the button on your remote to get it to start" billie orders. they do as told and the game starts. "okay, open your eyes" "oh my god no way" elizabeth exclaims, seeing that billie's song is on the game. "that's you!" madison points at the avatar. "well no but- yes madison. that is me." she nods.

"where'd you get this game? is that billie on the screen? oh my goodness that's billie's song in a game!" mum asks as she sets her stuff down on the counter and runs over to billie, hugging her and congratulating her. "billie got it for us" elizabeth explains, not looking away from the screen. "aw, that's so sweet billie. and i am so proud of you!" mum smiles. "it was no problem. i just remembered they liked it. as for my song on the game, i was shocked when my mom told me she got a call from the game people or whatever asking if my song could be in the game." billie, who has now taken off her jacket and even her chains and is drinking a glass of water on the couch, shrugs. "it seems more like a love than i like to me. by the way, how is your mom?" mum giggles. "it's more than a crush, more than a like like, more than a love. baby imma make you mine, and i'm not given up" i hear elizabeth sing to herself. "i love you elizabeth" i say with a laugh. "if you truly loved me you would've taken me to get burritos." she glares at me quickly before continuing to watch the screen. "she's doing good. they're all at the hotel right now. at least i think they are. i was lucky enough to sneak away for a few hours." billie answers. "i'd love to see them while you're in town. how long are you staying?" mum asks. "i really have no idea how long. it could be until after christmas at the most. we're doing award shows and interviews and shows day after day. it's truly exhausting" billie says with a sad tone in her voice. i remember how much she hated stuff like that. she loved award shows and the concerts, but she didn't really like interviews. and especially when they're all so close together. "well, if you stay for christmas you're coming here and that's final. i will not have the o'connells have christmas in a hotel room" mum says. "oh, i mean-" billie starts but madison cuts her off. "yes! christmas with billie!" madison claps. "i guess i'll talk to my mom about it" billie says, giving me an unsure look. 

"i'll be right back" i say and kiss may's cheek before getting up and walking outside. i get to the swings and take my phone out of my pocket. i press on claudia's contact and put the phone up to my ear. "hello" claudia answers. "claudia, i'm so glad you answered. i've been meaning to call but i haven't gotten the chance" i respond. "elle! it's great to hear from you. how's everything?" she asks. "it's alright. i'm sure you know i'm in london for the holidays. how are you?" i ask. "i'm great. finneas and i are doing better than ever. i think he might propose soon" she giggles happily. "that's fantastic! so are you in london?" i ask. "yep, we're all in the hotel room right now, everyone say hi to elle" she says. "hi elle!" i hear finneas, patrick and maggie greet me. "oh my god, hey guys" i reply way to excited and making everyone laugh. "i want to see you guys so bad!" i tell them. "we want to see you too, is billie still there" patrick asks. "wow patty, you finally get the opportunity to talk to me and you ask about billie? for shame" i shake my head as i say these words. "i'm sorry! i'm just saying, i want to know if my daughter is safe" he defends. "i know, but yeah she is still here. you guys should come over for dinner tomorrow night" i suggest. "that's a wonderful idea, i'll call your mom and we'll plan it out" maggie agrees. "perfect. i better get going but i'll talk to you later" i tell them. "bye elle" they all say in unison and i hang up. i stay outside for a little longer and may joins me. 

"why so sad?" she frowns. "i just.... i don't know" i sigh and put my head in my hands. "you can talk to me you know?" she says. "yeah. i know. i just don't know what i'd talk about. i don't know what's wrong" i tell her. 

yes you do you dumbass

you talked to billie's family and realized how much you love them and how much they love you and how much you loved billie and now you're having second thoughts.

woah, that's not it at all

then why are you thinking that?

if your own self conscious tells you something, that's probably how you feel

dumb bitch you learned that when you were like five.

i'm not still in love with billie

i'm in love with bil- may!

i'm in love with may!

sure, sure.

i inhale swiftly and stand up, walking into the house and leaving may alone. "i need to talk to you." i say and grab billie by the wrist and take her into the other room. "what's going on?" she asks. "i don't know. i just need a minute. i need a hug." i sniffle. "come here beautiful" she frowns and holds her arms out. i hold onto her tightly and she hugs me back. "i know, i know. it's okay. you're okay." she shushes me soothingly. "what's going on?" i hear may's voice ask and instantly push billie away, seeing them both give me a sad, confused look.

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a/n: usually it's the comments and votes that motivate me to update. i try to update every day and if the post gets enough likes, i'll post twice. currently i have two more chapters in my drafts, so get this chapter up and keep commenting and voting if you already are and if you aren't just keep it in mind that it will get me to update more often. 

that's it

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