885 Days [A Vikklan/Sidemen/Pack Story]

Day 274: Preston

22 December 2015

Everyone was back in London again, one day shy of marking nine months since that awful night. I hated having to make constant trips, I simply want to stay in London if I could, but issues with my visa and no one understanding that I had to stay meant I had to go back home, stay a few weeks and then come back on a new visa every two months. Jerome and Mitch were having the same trouble with their own visas, Mitch less so because of his Canadian citizenship, but Rob was well on his way to getting permanent residency very soon.

"You okay Preston?" Rob asked, lowering himself onto my bed as my entire body trembled. I wasn't even sure what was wrong, I was just shaking.

"I- I think so." I said quietly, biting down on my lip. "I just- I don't know. I don't know anymore."

Cuddling himself right up against me, Rob stayed with me for almost an hour while I tried to sleep. I couldn't though. These anniversaries were the hardest, the days clearly marking the passing of time because now I couldn't say eight months, I had to say nine. Every month on the 23rd, his birthday, Halloween, Christmas. The holidays he had once celebrated with us but now we had to celebrate alone with an gap for a boy whose condition we didn't know. Rob fell asleep before I did.

Religion had played a big role in my life ever since I was little, but since Lachlan went missing it was the thing that kept me stable. I know most of the other boys couldn't move on without confirmation of his death but I, months and months ago, had elected to rule that he was gone. I didn't tell the others because it made me feel like an asshole, deciding that he was gone because it made it look like I had no hope and was attempting to destroy theirs, but I knew I couldn't live my life with this hanging over me. I wanted to focus on my career, build up my YouTube channel, continue to record and edit and gain an audience. If this dread, this awful feeling of loss and despair, kept hanging over me I knew I wouldn't be able to do that. So I turned to God.

I prayed and prayed, I begged for forgiveness and I begged for answers because I just wanted to know if my friend was okay. The conclusion I came to was never something I was going to be okay with but in the end, after long weeks of thinking it over, I decided to leave this in my past. In my head, Lachlan was gone. He had died the day he went missing and was buried in a cemetery, gone but not forgotten. I would never forget him, but it was time to move on. Nine months had passed and I knew, as did everyone else, that the chances were that I was right. He was dead, and the only thing left was to find the body.

It was the next morning, on that awful anniversary, two days before Christmas, that Rob gently pushed a cup of coffee into my hands and sat down at the barstool beside me. All of the other boys were up and around the house somewhere but none were in the kitchen with us, leaving us completely alone.

"Hey..." He asked softly, reaching out to take my hand. "Are you okay? You barely slept last night. You were thinking, weren't you?"

"Mm." I mumbled, sipping on the coffee. "It's just difficult at the moment. Nine months."

"I know." He breathed in deeply, hiccupping a bit. "I miss him so much. I miss his voice and his laugh and his cheeky ways and just- god, I want him home. I want something, just anything that might tell us he's still out there."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't, not when whatever I might say would destroy him because I didn't believe he was still alive. I instead looking to the floor and bit my lip, squeezing my eyes closed. Don't say anything, don't say anything, don't say anything, I chanted.

"Christmas is in two days." I finally said. "I got him something." Rob looked a little surprised.

"You did...?"

"Candles, mostly. Lots of little ones in a whole bunch of different colours. Thought we could burn them outside." I whispered. I hadn't even been thinking of their purpose when I bought them when shopping for gifts for everyone else, but now I knew what I wanted to use them for. Rob nodded.

"I got something for him too." Rob sighed. "Well, made something. A scrapbook, I pulled together a whole bunch of pictures we had together and collaged them. It's been keeping me busy for a few weeks now."

"That sounds nice." I said quietly. "I can't wait to see it."

----------------------------------------------------

"Merry Christmas Vikky." I whispered, reaching out to pull the younger boy into a tight hug. He managed to hug me back but I could tell he was barely holding himself together. Last Christmas had been spent with his family but the ski trip had been mere days after and I knew that it was on his mind. "Is everyone up yet?"

He nodded silently, taking the presents I had wrapped the night before to place under the tree. I didn't normally celebrate Christmas but for the sake of the others I decided to participate, giving gifts and opening stockings and having Christmas lunch. It should have been a day for celebration, but it felt like a day of mourning.

Gifts were given, but I couldn't help but notice a small pile of gifts left behind at the end of anything. I worked out what they were before long, because I could see the box of candles I had bought, and a thick book shaped package that I assumed was from Rob. We left them until the evening, wanting to celebrate for a little before we turned our minds to Lachlan. Food was eaten, alcohol was ingested and for a few short hours everything felt normal again. We were laughing and talking, happy and joyful but there was this constant mantra in the back of my mind, nine months, nine months, nine months.

The sun was setting when we finally returned to the living room, Rob leaning against me and Vikk sitting the closest to the tree. Josh spoke.

"This wasn't really planned but... I think everyone got a present for Lachlan. Does... does everyone want to open one?" Most people nodded and so the presents were handed out, one to each person, making sure no one got their own one.

No one talked as we opened them, but tears flowed. Vikk got Rob's scrapbook and started crying almost at once, making everyone else cry. I opened my present to a small bundle of Pokémon and Minecraft plushies, figurines and stickers, making me smile. He'd probably be throwing them all over the place, laughing, if he was here.

We burned the candles that night, sitting together in the backyard, staring at the stars.

"Merry Christmas Lachy." I whispered to the sky, tears creeping down my cheeks. "I miss you."

277: Lachlan

For the first time in a long time, the sounds I heard weren't hallucinations. There were carols and laughter and Christmas music, and that was when I realised it must be Christmas. He never told me that. The house above me- I now knew I was in a basement- had always been silent and I assumed that previously there had only been one occupant, but something had changed. There had been people up there everyday for weeks and he had rarely visited me, leaving me to starve. I would never have guessed that he was a host type.

However, instead of being comforting, it only made everything worse. It was so painful knowing that there were people above me celebrating while I lay chained to floor, unable to move and unable to scream. I cried silently, chest heaving. But I couldn't make a sound.

But then, after the sounds petered off and I was left in silence once more, something changed. He came down to me one day and I waiting for more pain, but instead his hands came up to my face, around the back of my head and unhooked the gag. He glared- but I got the message. Stay silent. Words meant I got hurt. Words meant pain. No words.