885 Days [A Vikklan/Sidemen/Pack Story]

Day 486: JJ

21 July 2016

I needed a distraction, even from day one. I blamed myself right from the beginning, I blamed myself that Lachlan had been taken because god, the kid had only been 19 at the time and we should have been keeping an eye on him, on Vikk as well, because they were inexperienced with alcohol. But no. We got black out drunk and Tobi and Vikk put us on a cab home so they could begin the desperate and fruitless search for the blonde boy.

And I had seen them together. I had seen Lachlan chatting with the man on the security footage, drink in hand, and I had seen his hand squeeze the kids thigh. He had looked mightily uncomfortable. And I had done fucking nothing. I had walked on by to go and find some other girl to flirt with, downing more shots, while Lachlan had been creeped on by this guy and eventually left with him. I could have done something, and I didn't. So here we were, nearly 16 months on, with no leads, no suspects, no nothing. No body. No murderer.

I coped by drinking quite a bit. I didn't tell anyone, except for Simon when I was really drunk, that I blamed myself for his disappearance and so no one knew, not even Vikk. God, I couldn't tell Vikk that I could have stopped this whole thing. So I drunk, for months, until I finally told myself to snap out of it around the one year mark and berated myself. I had to stop drinking. I had to focus on my career, YouTube, music, if I wanted to build my life back up again. So that was exactly what I did.

Following the one year anniversary I threw myself into my music, turning out song after song that I was so proud of, collaborating with other artists, and then the offers of the live shows, music festivals and tours started rolling in. I scanned them over with the help of my manager and hand picked a few that could be done over a period of a couple a months, essentially a tour, and we began planning excitedly. I talked to the other boys about it and they all encouraged me to go, do it and live my life. Vikk clung to me but agreed with them. He didn't want to hold me back.

The other thing I was doing at the same time was writing a book. I had been planning it for quite a while, maybe even before Lachlan went missing, but that put it on hold for quite a while. Now I was getting back into everything it had popped up in my plans and I had continued with it. It was well on the way after a few months of getting my shit back together.

I couldn't help but jump, almost dropping my cup of coffee, as Vikk snaked his arms around me and buried his head in my back.

"Jeez Vikk, warn me next time, yeah?" I said quietly, putting the cup down to spin my barstool around and hug him. I heard him sigh a bit and he didn't complain as I pulled him up into my lap. "You okay? Did you sleep alright?"

"I slept fine." He breathed, closing his eyes. "Just... just a bad day I think."

"That's alright. Tell you what, how 'bout we set up a pillow fort, make some popcorn and watch a few movies. Does that sound good?" He smiled.

"Yeah. That sounds good."

Mitch, who had been sitting on the kitchen bench opposite me, looked up.

"Can I join?" He asked quietly, placing his phone down. "I don't think I can do anything for today. Jerome might as well."

"Of course." I said, shifting Vikk off my lap and nudging him towards the living room. "I'll make some popcorn and you gather everyone who wants to hang out. Vikk, you want build a fort?"

He nodded, a small smile flickering onto his face for just a moment before he disappeared around the corner. Mitch slipped off the bench and landed on the floor with a soft thump, also disappearing. We had like eight bags of popcorn just sitting in the cupboard so I took down four of them and spent the next 10 minutes popping them all, pouring them into bowls. By the time I actually made it to the living room there were seven others gathered there- Vikk, Mitch, Jerome, Simon, Preston, Ethan and Harry.

They all lit up at the sight of the popcorn, taking one bowl between two people. I ended up with Vikk, the boy curling up beside me underneath one of the blankets he had strung over the couch. We put on some random movie, munched on popcorn and chattered quietly.

Vikk snuggled right up to me only a few minutes into the film, completely ignoring the popcorn in favour of cuddling. God, ever since it happened he had been so affectionate, craving hugs and cuddles and touches in general, often clinging to someone if he was feeling particularly bad. He had done this to me a couple of times but it happened more to Tobi and Rob, to whom he was particularly close to.

"You right?" I asked him, smiling. He nodded but then proceeded to shift himself so he was lying almost underneath me, now paying no attention to the movie as he buried his head in my neck. I couldn't help but laugh. "Comfortable."

"No." He squirmed. "Don't care."

We stayed that way for another hour or so as the movie played, and eventually Vikk fell asleep next to me. I moved him so he was lying on my chest and just cuddled him, brushing his hair off his forehead and just admiring the boy who was so peaceful. Peaceful for once. Because god knows he rarely slept enough and woke with nightmares at least twice a week. He still blamed himself for Lachlan's disappearance as much as I did, but he didn't have a valid reason. He hadn't seen what I had seen.

It was only when I looked up that I noticed Ethan watching me, an amused smile on his face. I grinned right back.

For once, it was calm. For once, everything felt alright.

488: Lachlan

Another four months to add to the long list of months I had been in this basement. He bragged with every additional month so I very well knew how much time had passed, even when I hadn't seen the sun or even the sky in almost a year and a half. I missed the sky. I missed the feeling of the cool breeze on my face, the smell of freshly cut grass, the colours of autumn.

It was just heading into summer now so it was warmer than it had been, the damp and the freezing cold didn't set into my bones as much, but it didn't stop me getting sick. I had been sick a couple of times, like sick-sick flu or cold or stomach bug sick rather than him sticking his fingers down my throat and forcing me to be sick kind of sick. This sick though, just as month number 16 passed, was different.

He should have known that keeping me down there in the cold and the damp would have suppressed my immune system and that, alongside my body constantly trying to heal from the cuts and bruises and broken bones, meant if I got any sort of bug I was bound to get very sick. And considering he was the only person I ever saw, he definitely infected me. I woke up one... morning, I didn't know if it was really morning or not, burning with fever, coughing and heaving, barely able to keep my eyes open. My body shook with tremors.

For a few days, after he knew I was sick, I was left completely alone. No food, no water, no medication, even when I began hallucinating and my tongue was dry from dehydration. My fever burned on. A couple of times, I wasn't even sure I was going to survive it. It didn't seem like he cared whether or not I lived or died.

And so, burning with fever, hearing voices, seeing lights, starving and thirsty, I whispered the first words I had said in months, well aware they could be my last.

"Find me. Find me. I want to go home."