YOU 1 [Charli D'Amelio]

Chapter 40.

I walk back to my room and hope that Max is gone, I can't bare to even look at her. Being the disgusting person that she is, she is sitting on my bed when I return. Visions of me grabbing the lamp and bashing her in the head go though my mind, but I don't have the energy to fight with her.

"I'm not going to apologize" Max tells me as I walk past her towards Addison' bed. I will not sit on my bed with her.

"I know you aren't" I say and lay back.

I won't let her bait me into this fight and I never expected her to apologize. I know her better by now. Well, in all honesty I don't know her at all. Last night I thought she was just an angry girl who's father left her and she held onto the hurt, using the only emotion she could to keep people out. This morning I see that she is just a terrible, hateful person. There is nothing good about Max, anytime I believed there was, was only because that is what she wanted me to believe.

"He needed to know" she says and I bite down on my lip to prevent the tears from returning. I stay quiet until I hear Max get up and move towards me.

"Just go Max" When I look up she is standing over me, she sits down on the bed and I jump up.

"He needed to know" she repeats and anger boils inside me. I know she is doing this on purpose just to get a rise out of me.

"Why Max? Why did he need to know? How could hurting him possibly be a good thing? You weren't affected one bit by him not knowing, you could have went on with your day without telling him. You had no right to do that to him, or me." I feel the tears coming again but this time I can't stop them.

"I would want to know if I was him" she says, her voice is steady and cold.

"You aren't him though, and you never will be. I was stupid to think you could possibly be anything close to him. And since when do you care about what is right?"

"Don't you dare compare me to him" she snaps. I hate the way she chooses only one of my statements to respond to. She stands up and moves toward me but I back away, keeping the distance between us at least five feet.

"There is no comparison. Don't you get that by now? You are a cruel and disgusting jerk who doesn't give a shit about anyone but yourself and he loves me. He is willing to try to forgive me for my mistakes. My terrible mistakes." I add.

Max takes a step back as if I pushed her.

"Forgive you?"

"Yea, he will forgive me for this. I know he will. Because he loves me, so your evil plan to get him to break up with me so you can sit back and laugh didn't work. Now get out of my room."

"That wasn't.. I.." She starts to say but I cut her off. I have wasted enough time on her already.

"Get out! I know you're probably already plotting your next move against me, but guess what Maxxy? It isn't going to work anymore, now get the fuck out of my room" I am surprised by my harsh words but I don't feel bad for using them against Max.

"That isn't what I am doing Charli, I thought after last night...I don't know, I thought you and I.." She seems to be at a loss for words, which is a first. Part of me, a huge part of me is dying to know what she is going to say but this is how I got so tangled in her web in the first place. She uses my curiosity against me, it is all a game to her. I furiously wipe my eyes, I am thankful I didn't wear makeup yesterday.

"You aren't really expecting me to buy that are you? That you feel any differently about me than you did before?" I need to stop and she needs to leave before her claws sink deeper into me.

"Of course I do, Charli. You make me feel so.."

"No! I don't want to hear it Max. I know you're lying and this is your sick way of getting off. To make me believe that you could possibly feel the same way about me as I do about you then you will flip the switch. I know how this goes by now, and I won't keep it going."

"Feel the same way you do? Are you saying that you.. you have feelings for me?" Her eyes flash with what appears to be hope. She is a better actor than I thought.

She knows I do, she has to know that. What other reason could there be for me to keep this unhealthy cycle between us going? I realize that I have barely admitted my feelings for Max to myself, and now I have just put them out there in front of Max, giving her easy access to smash them. Worse than she already has.

'Leave Max, I won't ask again. If you don't leave I will call campus security." I tell her and mean it. I feel my walls slowly being torn down by the way Max is looking at me and I can't let it happen.

"Charl, please answer me." She begs.

"Don't call me charl, that name is reserved for friends and family, people who actually care about me. Now leave!' I yell, much louder than I had planned. I need her to get out and get away from me. I hate when she calls me Charli, but I hate when she calls me Charl even more. Something about the way her lips move when she says it makes it sound so intimate, so lovely. Damn it, Charli. Just stop.

"Please, I need to know if you.."

"What a long weekend, I am exhausted!" Addison says as she walks into the room. Her eyes narrow at Max as she notices my tear stained cheeks.

"What is going on? What did you do?!" She yells at Max. "Where is Chase?" She asks and looks at me.

"He left, just as Max is about to" I tell her.

"Charli.." Harry begins.

"Addison, please make her leave" I beg and she nods. Max's mouth falls open with annoyance at my use of Addison against her. She thought she had me trapped again.

"Maxxy, lets go." She says and grabs her arm, dragging her towards the door. I refuse to look back at her. I stare at the wall until I hear the door shut. I immediately hear their voices in the hall.

"What the hell Max? I told you to stay away from her, she is my roommate and she is not like the other girls you mess with. She is innocent and she is honestly too good for you" She says to her. I am pleased and surprised by the way she is sticking up for me.

It still doesn't soothe the pain in my chest. My heart literally hurts. I thought I had experienced heartbreak after my day alone with Max last week, but that was nothing compared to how I feel right now. I hate to admit it to myself but I know that spending the night with Max last night made my feelings for her so much stronger than they already were. Hearing her laugh while she tickled me , the way she gently kissed my lips, her tattooed arms wrapped around me, and the way her eyes fluttered and closed when I traced my fingers over her bare skin, all made me fall deeper for her. Those intimate moments between us that made me care for her more, also make this hurt so much more. On top of that I have hurt Chase in a way that I can only pray he forgives me.

"It's not like that" her accent is thick and her voice angry.

"Bullshit Max, I know you. Find someone else to mess around with, there are plenty of other girls. She isn't the type of girl you need to be doing this with, she has a boyfriend and she is too sensitive to just be friends with benefits"

I don't like hearing her say that I am too sensitive but I guess she is right. I have done nothing but cry since I met Max and now she has tried to ruin my relationship with Chase. I don't have what it takes to be friends with benefits either, regardless of how she makes me feel. I have more respect for myself than that and I am too emotional.

"Fine. I will stay away from her. But don't bring her to anymore parties at my house. I mean it, I don't want to see her again and if I do, I will ruin her" she snaps and I hear Addison grab the door handle.