𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐃

14: distractions

Please comment and like🧸
________________________________
Elle's PoV

The hotel room feels like a cold, sterile box as I toss myself onto the bed. The day has dragged on, every hour a monotonous crawl that's left me exhausted yet somehow restless. My limbs feel heavy, as if they're filled with lead, and my thoughts are swirling around in a chaotic storm. Food should be on my mind; I should order something or at least drag myself out to eat, but the very thought of food makes my stomach churn.

I curl up into a tight ball, hoping that maybe if I press hard enough, I can squeeze the hurt out of me. But nothing happens. No tears, no cathartic release—just this dull, suffocating emptiness. It's like a weight is pressing down on my chest, crushing my heart, but at the same time, there's a hollow void inside me that I can't seem to fill.

Closing my eyes, I try to make sense of it all, to sort through the mess of emotions that are tearing me apart from the inside. I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore—just that it hurts. And I don't know what to do next. I know I can't keep going on like this, clinging to the hope that Ethan will somehow change his mind. But I'm so scared of what it means if I let go.

I reach for my phone, my fingers trembling slightly as I dial his number again, even though I know how this will end. The rejection stings every time, but it's like I'm addicted to the pain, needing to feel something, anything, even if it's just another cut to my already bleeding heart. Biting the inside of my cheek, I nod to myself, trying to convince the logical part of my brain that he's given me enough signs. More than enough. He doesn't want me in his life, and I need to stop fighting for someone who's already walked away.

But I can't just let go without hearing it from him, straight from his mouth. I deserve that much, don't I? "Do you still love me?" I text him, my fingers shaking as I hit send. As I wait for a response, the burning in my throat intensifies, and I realize how low I've fallen. I never imagined I'd be here, begging for scraps of affection from a man who's supposed to love me.

My heart splinters when I see that he's read my message but hasn't replied. He didn't say no, I try to reassure myself, but deep down, I know that someone who loves me wouldn't leave me hanging like this. My eyes stay glued to the chat, desperate for some kind of sign, but the only thing that comes is the heavy weight of disappointment. Twenty minutes pass in agonizing silence, and when I finally gather the courage to call him again, the line cuts off immediately—his phone turned off.

"Great," I whisper bitterly, burying my face in the pillow. The suffocating sensation returns, making it hard to breathe. I might be overreacting, being immature, but I can't help how I feel. I miss my little brother, and now Ethan doesn't want me either. It's like everyone I care about is slipping away, leaving me alone in the dark.

No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I give, it's never enough. I'm never enough. The thought twists in my chest, and I long for the days when I was just a child, when my mom would stroke my hair and make everything better. Back then, I didn't have to worry about this kind of pain, about the crushing loneliness that comes with growing up. Adulthood is a nightmare, and I can't shake the feeling that I'm drowning in it, with no one to pull me out.

I can't talk to anyone about what's going on inside me, not really. Every time I've tried, they promise they'll be there for me, but in the end, they always leave. My closest friends, the ones I thought would never turn their backs on me—they're gone. Betrayed me. Left me. And if I can't trust them, who's left?

The buzz of my phone startles me, and I sit up quickly, hoping against hope that it's Ethan. When I see his name on the screen, my heart skips a beat, but as I read his message, a cold shiver runs through me.