Sometimes I hate the way my heart beats.
Sometimes I wish I could forget.
For someone this might seem like a love letter.
For someone this might seem like a suicide note.
But, for me. For me this is just one of the many things I think about.
There are days whereas my heartbeat is the worst sound to my ears. Not because it reminds me that I'm alive. But, because it reminds me of the horrors I've gone through and the only sound I could hear was my heartbeat.
The thumping sound I hear sometimes puts me in a place where I remember that no-one cared. The sound reminds me of when all I had was myself.
People will ask me why I say I don't want children. I can never give them a satisfactory answer, because I fear that they will not truly understand.
See it's not that I dislike children or that I have anything against them. In fact I love children, their pure hearts and minds are refreshing. This is the very reason I don't want children.
I fear the day my child has that moment whereas the only sound they hear is their heartbeat and they hate it. Not because it will remind them that they are alive but because it will remind them that there was a time where the only sound they could hear or focus on was their heartbeat because it was their saving grace.
Often times when I hear the beat of my heart, I can't help but think of the times it was all I had.
This is not a suicide letter.
Nor is it a love letter.
This is a glimpse of the abyss I call my mind.
-becauzwecan
YOU ARE READING
A Journey of a Troubled Mind. ✔
Non-FictionThis is a little small compilation of writings/poems I do on occasion. They are an expression of my thoughts and feelings at a specific time and point in my life. I am publishing this now because I feel as though I am ready to share a piece of me...
