Before; After

Now. . .

As I get older, I'm realizing just how much society is raised to be unhealthy. Even when mental health is presented to us, we think that it's crazy, unnatural.

I want to say that I have reached the nirvana of psychological health after the past few years of therapy, self-analysis, and writing. However, saying that I am healthy would be a lie, and I have to be honest with myself. I cannot provide a picture of mental health as a finished product because mental health is more a process than a destination.

And so, what does the journey to mental health look like for me?

For the moment...

It's finding the joy in reading again, in picking up a favorite writer whose words and sentences are like embraces, in trying out new writers even if they may not excite like those I already love.

It's watching movies again, not just the ones I've seen hundreds of times before. It's not being afraid of disappointing new experiences. Some movies are good, most are not, and I need to remember that.

It's reminding myself to write even when I don't feel like it, because it refreshes in a way few other things will. More than a hobby, writing allows me to release everything I want to say but cannot through speaking.

It's listening to my body and its needs without guilt. If I need sleep, I sleep. The grading and the schoolwork can wait. Leaving it incomplete when exhausted is not an apocalyptic event.

It's seeking out family and friends. Not just waiting to be invited but inviting. And when invited, saying "Yes" more often than "No." But it's also saying "No" without guilt when energy reserves are low.

It's recognizing the ebbs and flows of emotional experience. Allowing myself to ride the waves to give those emotions the respect they deserve, but not allowing the sadness or fear to drown me. Therapy has given me the oars to direct the direction of my mental boat away from dangerous waters.

It's being more honest with how I'm feeling. To those who are close to me, but most importantly being honest with myself.

It's learning how to recognize another's love, even if it does not fit my expectations.

It's learning what I need from love and learning how to demand it without guilt.