SCARED OF LONELY

14

Beyonce POV

"He asked you for that?" Kelly said laughing her ass off.

I told Kelly about what Ray asked the other day.

"Stop laughing Kelly," I said with my head against my chair. Kelly was sitting on the chair on the other side of my desk. "What am I going to do with what this boy asked me?"

"What do you mean? Get laid and get pregnant," she said chuckling.

"Fuck you," I said throwing a pen towards her but she dodged it.

"Whatever, let's get back to work," she said and we continued with our work. "Don't forget my godbaby's tournament. Its his first one. Its special to him," Kelly said.

"Don't worry, we'll be done in two hours. I'll make it."

Ray POV

"Where is she?" I said to myself as I stood outside the school building.

Mommy said she's gonna make it to my tournament. Where is she now? She should have been here already.

"Let's get inside Raymond," Mr Smith said to me.

I followed him inside the school.

"Mr Smith. Can I please go to the boys bathroom?" I said as we walked in the school halls.

"I see the nerves are getting to you," he said slightly chuckling. "You can go but be back in five," he said and he walked passed me.

I watched Mr Smith disappear into the school gym where the tournament is held. I turned around and headed for the teacher's lounge.

"Please be opened," I said to myself with my hand on the door handle. I twisted the handle and sighed in relief when the door opened.

I entered and I looked around then I spotted the phone box. I grabbed a chair to help elevate me. I searched my pockets for loose change and I put it in the coin slot. I dialed my mommy's number.

Her phone was off.

I called her multiple times but still no answer.

Now who am I gonna call? The only phone numbers I know is mommy's and the police.

"Dang it," I said in frustration. "Pick up mommy," I said with the phone on my ear.

I got off the chair and placed it back where I found it and I left.

Let's hope she'll make it at the end.

Beyonce POV

"Hey Bey. Can you please check the time on your phone because it feels like we've been working forever," Kelly said.

I took my phone and pressed the on button but it didn't get switched on. "That's odd," I said then I inspected my phone only to discover that it was off due to low battery. I took my phone charger and plugged it in.
"OH SHIT!" I yelled.

I bet that startled Kelly since she flinched a bit. "What? What happened?" She said.

No, no, no, no.

This can't be happening.

I immediately packed my stuff. As I was headed for the door it opened and in came Shawn holding Ray. Ray had his head resting on Shawn's shoulder.

"Hello ladies," Shawn said entering my office. "I've got something for you. I found him sitting on the steps outside the school building," He said getting closer to me and he was handing me Ray.

"No. I don't wanna go to her," Ray whined as he wrapped his arms around Shawn's neck.

I get why Ray didn't wanna come to me. I lost track of time hence I missed his tournament.

"Ray, mommy is so sorr-"

"You promised," he spat. He raised his head from Shawn's shoulder and looked at me with watery eyes. "I called you like a billion times but you didn't answer. You said you'll come but you didn't show up. Why make a promise if you can't keep it? I hate you!" He yelled as tears streamed down his cheeks.

I never thought I'll see the day my son tells me that he hates me. I expected those days to be when he's a teenager. Teenagers always go through that phase where they just resent their parents for no reason.

Sometimes I just wish I could split myself into two. One Beyonce goes to work while the other does stuff with Ray. Moments like this makes me wish August was still alive. I'll never forgive that motherfucker who shot him that day.

"Ray, don't say that to your mother. 'Hate' is such a strong word okay?" Shawn said rubbing Ray's back.

"Fine then," Ray said sniffling as he looked at Shawn. "I don't hate her, I strongly dislike her."

That still hurts but I get where his anger is coming from.

***
It was so sweet of Shawn to come over my place and keep Ray company. From what I did, I highly doubt he wants me around him. Being a single mom can be hard as fuck at times.

"Imma go freshen up," I said to Shawn as he went to Ray's room.

As soon as I got into the shower, I cried my eyes out. Cried all those tears I kept trapped.

I feel like a failure right now. I failed as a mother. My job is to make sure my son's happy and when he's not happy, I also hurt inside. It hurts more to know that you are the reason for your own child's misery and unhappiness.

I finished my night routine and I went to bed. I curled myself into a ball and hugged my pillow tight. Tears then started streaming down my cheeks like a river.

"Bey, you aight?" Shawn said lowly as he entered my room.

"I'm fine," I said as my voice cracked with emotion.

I then felt weight on my bed. I sat up and saw Shawn sitting next to me. "Come here," he said to me and I scooched closer to him. He then brought me into a hug. "Its gonna be alright," he said rubbing my back.

"I'm a terrible mother. My own son hates me," I said on the verge of tears.

"You ain't a terrible mother. When he said he hates you, he actually meant that you hurt him that's all. You're human and its normal to make mistakes. I know that you didn't mean to miss his tournament," he said.

I released from his embrace and looked at him. "Can you please sleepover. If you don't mind," I said lowly.

He nodded then he stood up. "Please hand me a pillow and a blanket so I can sleep on the floor," he said.

"Why floor? You can just sleep on the other side of my bed," I said. He shrugged and came to the other side.

My goodness. What is this man doing to me? I'll normally not ask a guy to sleepover but for some reason I'm fine with Shawn being here.

"Stop staring at me. You gonna make a nigga start blushing," Shawn said chuckling. I just smiled at him. "There's that million dollar smile that I like," he said.

I got under the covers and scooched closer to him. I kissed his cheek. "Thank you," I said.

"For what?"

"For everything. I've never met a man so sweet and so kind like you. You always cheer me up whenever I'm feeling down. I truly and deeply appreciate you for that," I said.

"I'm just doing what's right and what makes me happy. I really care about you Bey," he said and he brought me closer to him. He then laid down such that my head laid on his chest. "Plus if it wasn't for you, I would have never met Ray. He's like my little buddy," he said then he kissed my forehead.

It has been a while since I felt this safe. Shawn is really a good person.