The Age of Love (Book #1)

30. 7 years ago (+18)

Song for this flashback: Mad World (Instrumental)
Just for the record, maybe I went a little overboard on the sexual content, so, stop where you see fit.

2011 

Theodore's p.o.v

"9 weeks." The nurse tells me in the most serene way possible.

Doctors, nurses...

They always had the outstanding ability to soften the ugly, the real size of a problem making it seem like we should remain as calm as they are. To them it was another day on the job, to me... to us, we had just lost our baby.

"Misuse of medication, overdose." She added.

I rub my hair feeling defeated, this could not be happening, I couldn't bare to see Sorja in that hospital bed without feeling an enormous portion of guilt. I'm never here. I could have avoided it, could have controlled it ... Now everything was out of control.

I try to get my shit together, she needs me.

I walk up to her, sitting on the white metal bench, taking her hand on mine. She was shaking.

"It's okay my love, please... Don't beat yourself up." I try to calm her.

She sobs. "What are you even doing here Theodore?!"

"Don't be silly, I'm here to support you. I promise I'm never leaving you again." I say, I had the email written down ready to resign. "I'm gonna take on a job that won't ever separate us again."

She keeps shaking her head in denial, tears run down her eyes, I'm not sure if i'm making things better or worse.

"Sorja. We'll have many more kids, a large family if you wish, we have time, we—"

"Shut up Theodore."

Confusion settles in.

"Please stop talking about kids, thinking about kids, it's never going to happen."

"It will Sorja."

"No it won't." She states harshly. "I'm truly sorry you had to witness this but it wasn't supposed to happen like this, you weren't supposed to be home so early. I'm fine, ok? I'm fine just stop with the pitty, I can't take it."

"You did it on purpose?" Words slip faster than I can process.

She gives me a dark glare, heavily staring into my eyes. I could hear my heart shatter in a million pieces in that moment, the woman I loved... at least I thought I did until this very instant, could do such a thing. She doesn't answer me, she turns her head facing the empty wall in front of her lifting her face up letting a tear fall.

"Answer me for god's sake!" I shout.

"Yes! Ok!" She shouts back. "Yes Theodore, because I don't want kids, I never wanted but you always did. Everyone wants and the whole world makes me feel like trash for not bearing your offspring, for being nearly 28 and never even wave at a child! I am no less than these women! But you wouldn't understand, would you? You're just like everyone else!"

I stand up supporting my hands on my waist, angry, fuming. I can't tell what caused me more anger, the lack of communication or the lies.