Changing the skin I live in

Day one 03/14/2020

Today I decided to change.
I decided to get up and make a plan. One with small changes but steady progress.
The coronavirus 🦠 is a big topic in the place where i live. So my Uni is closed, my gym is a kind of dangerous place to go so can't really decide if I should go or not, and I am also losing my part time job. I work as a waitress and there are simply no guests so no work and my boss can not afford to have part time workers. I am just so anxious about everything. I am thinking of going home to my parents until may. My semester is postponed until the beginning of May. I have a semester course work to write but our libraries close on Tuesday (today is Saturday). Just another reason why I am writing this.

I am well aware about the fact that I have not said anything interesting yet. So let us get to the part you actually want to know. So I am 5'6 (169cm) and my weight... well I don't know my weight. I live on my own since last summer and I didn't had the time to get one. Probably one of the reasons why I have gained weight and lost control about my eating habits and health in general. Since I like to finance myself and not depend on my parents money is tight and I am not the best at saving money. To be honest I am the worst at it. I almost never have money when I actually need it.

The reason why I don't have the money is because I spend it on mostly food. I don't like cooking and most of the time I am to tired to cook after i come home from work or uni. So my friends and I order Dominos or sushi. So I spend my money on literally shit. I want to change that and I need to change it.

So a little list of things I want to change.

- my eating habits

- money managing

- and mindset and thinking

The first step is to start right. I started so many times and I always gave up after 4 days. I am actually known to have a lot of self control. But I guess not when it comes to my own life and my own health and body. My mind and self esteem and how I view myself is messed up so much that I can't live the way I want to. I don't go out because I feel like I am not good enough and people don't want to seen me. I am aware that it is mostly in my head. Tomorrow my parents are picking me up and I am going home for two days. I will do my best to follow a healthy lifestyle there. My parents live in the country and there is a wood right behind it. So it is going to be good retreat and I will be able to save money for when I come back.

I do not know how many people are going to read this but I hope if you are reading this I can help you a little bit. Maybe give you some hope to change to not give up and to love yourself a little bit more. If you want to know more or have any questions feel free to comment or ask me.

Thank you for reading. It means a lot. I promise that the tex