Serious trigger warning. Notes of suicide. What else am I supposed to write.
"IIIIZZZZAAAYYYYAAAA!!!!!"
Another long scream of Izaya's name filled the air of Ikebukuro. It was already considered the norm for most people. This meant there is going to be major collateral damage all over the city.
But this wasn't the case this time around. Shizuo was looking for Izaya, panicking and running around, trying to find any trace of the flea. Why was Shizuo, famous for his hatred for Izaya, suddenly looking for him in a worried manner? This was because of an incident that happened a month ago.
Shizuo checked his mailbox, and saw a letter. This was rather unusual, but he tore the envelope open and started to read.
"Hey! It's your favourite Izaya-kun! (≧▽≦)"
Without reading further in, Shizuo shred the letter in a million pieces and threw it away without a second thought.
He didn't think much of it, every time, when he saw that familiar looking letter, he turned it into shreds, not sparing a single thought. But suddenly, something crossed his mind.
Those were probably blackmail letters.
Now, Shizuo isn't dumb, but he definitely wasn't the brightest bulb either. Knowing how the flea constantly finds any way possible to eliminate Shizuo, a blackmail certainly fell into the category of possibilities.
Nervous, Shizuo looked through the previous letters, the only remains consisted of random words, and the only way to know what they were saying was to piece them back together like a puzzle.
But Shizuo wasn't the most patient person ever to play with a puzzle.
He had to wait. For the past days, he received a letter, every single day without fail. If he were lucky, the next letter would show up again, perfectly intact. He just had to wait.
Immediately after work, Shizuo arrived at his mailbox. He peered inside, and a letter. Sitting there. He opened the box and opened it, not waiting until he got to his room, he wanted to know. Now.
At first glance, there were no pictures. Which was a huge reliefer. Then, he quickly skimmed through its contents, and to his surprise, it was strangely normal, which posed even more of a concern if it was just a blackmail letter.
It was about completely random topics, each not even slightly related. It talked about the weather, the lottery today, and even asked Shizuo for a baby name for his mom's friend who had safely delivered. It was even more distressing.
Now Shizuo was confused. He scratched his head, scouring the letter for any hidden meanings...he found none.
Day by day, the letters piled up, each topic more bizarre than the next, to the point where Shizuo was genuinely concerned for Izaya's mental health, if he was actually the one sending him these letters. Shizuo asked around the city, and a lot of them said Izaya had disappeared. Yet, everyday, those letters would appear, regardless of the what kind of situation the world was in. Texts, none answered, no whereabouts, nothing. Shizuo was so caught off guard, that he decided to make a decision that he probably would regret.
He decided to write back.
He didn't know how to start, what to write, or even how to address him. It was a clueless journey, but Shizuo finished his letter to Izaya. Something that he would never, in a million years, dream of doing.
He was in front of the postbox. His hand was hovering around the slot, wondering if this was a good idea. He knew, once he put it in, there was no turning back. Unless he decided to throw the postbox into the ocean.
He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, and in the letter goes. He ran away immediately, he was acting like such a school girl. But deep inside, he was a little happy. Maybe the flea wasn't so out of touch anymore. Even though he still wanted to beat the crap out his face, he was secretly tired of it, and he wondered if the flea was too.
The next day, Shizuo approached the mailbox, the letter was sitting inside, as per usual. Shizuo took it out and read it immediately. And a surprise...
The flea had replied. It wasn't a letter the flea had written before. The flea had seen his letter, and REPLIED.
But something was off. The letter wasn't as random as it was before, it had strange hints of self harm, suicide.
My life is worthless anyway
I'm sure you would agree
You would be the one to dance on my dead body, wouldn't you?
It hurts.
It hurts.
It hurts to be alive.
Shizu-chan, I was hoping you'd finally reply, looks like my letters weren't for nothing after all.
You're a bit rude, aren't you? Asking about my mental health like that. Why are you the one to care? You've hunted for my head for ages, now you ask if I'm okay. You say things like wanting to kill me, yet you hold back every time. What? Is it pity? The almighty monster of Ikebukuro suddenly had a change of heart against me? Your arch nemesis? You've really gone soft, haven't you.
I've made a realisation. And nobody can stop me. I've lived my whole life, fragile like glass, one wrong word and I could shatter. Yet, even if I did, nobody cares, nobody bothers to actually put themselves in my shoes. But it's okay, I lied to myself. Loving humans, no matter what they said, no matter what they do, I let them step all over me, and I wouldn't shatter. I love all humans. Is what I said to myself. I may not have shattered, but I've cracked.
Wounds nothing can heal. I've stopped people from committing suicide, yet suicide is the only thing I dream of. It's because I'm selfish, hogging the heaven that will accept me. At this point, I can no longer tell black to white, heaven to hell, and maybe, it's a sign. A sign to end my eternal suffering.
Don't bother stopping me, Shizu-chan. I'm not myself anymore, and I feel like nothing I do makes sense. But even now, I will accept my death with a smile. Thanks.
No. What? Shizuo could hardly think.
Confusion, sadness, satisfaction, anger. He felt all those at once. He didn't understand, Izaya's letter made no sense. This wasn't him. It was only someone trying to pretend to be him. Nervousness boiled at the pit of his stomach. He felt sick. He wanted to throw up. This wasn't real. It wasn't.
Before Shizuo could even think, he burst out the door, yelling out Izaya's name, the letter still clutched tightly in his hand. Why was he acting like this? The damn flea deserves to be dead, he ruined lives of countless people for his entertainment! Then why...?
He ran to his apartment, ringing the doorbell multiple times, no reply. He couldn't wait, this wasn't a matter that could be ignored. He bust down the door and looked inside.
He couldn't believe his eyes. Izaya's body, hanging limply on a piece of rope. His face completely drained of colour, his eyes were hollow and lifeless. Shizuo immediately let Izaya's body down, looking down on his features, stunned.
He couldn't stop him.
