Durarara Oneshots

Quarantine special

Shizuo loves his sweets. But being stuck in quarantine, he can't go out and enjoy as he wants. That's why, he now has to cook on his own!

Shizuo's cooking special

"FUCK-"

"Hello. Everyone, today I am cooking something up for myself, I am cooking cake! Chocolate, to be specific. From scratch."

"What we have here is eggs, flour, butter, salt, sugar, cocoa powder, chocolate, baking powder, baking soda, vanilla extract, powdered sugar, vegetable oil, and buttermilk.

This recipe can be enjoyed by anyone to your family or friends, but if your name is Izaya, fuck you. Actually, I have another recipe perfect for you, Orihara Izaya. It involves all the ingredients I just listed and a couple drops of lethal poison. Or laxatives, that could also work. All right, let's get started!"

"Okay, first, preheat your oven, I already did that, next, mix your dry ingredients. Flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and the ashes of your sworn enemies with whisk until combined.

Then, prepare your wet ingredients, eggs, buttermilk, vegetable oil, vanilla extract, water and if you have a Izaya at home, make sure to add a nice heaping cup of his blood, which really makes the flavour stand out. Mix them together, screaming really makes it work, okay three...two...one...

IZAYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

And you're done with your wet ingredients!"

"Slowly mix your dry, and wet ingredients together until smooth, don't overmix, as it will come out dense and depressing. When you're done, pour it into your tins. Make sure your tins are lined up with parchment paper and the bottom is coated with butter.

Now these are ready for the oven! Bake for thirty minutes and in the meantime, we can make our frosting. The frosting is pretty easy, just mix butter and powdered sugar. It may look like it needs some milk or water, but don't add any. It will come together, and if you do add any kind of liquid, force feed it to Izaya. Then it won't go to waste.

There's still some time before the cakes are finished, so I have a book with me. It's called, ten ways to change your identity, you can read it if you want, very educational."

"Great! Our cakes are now done, it's time to take them out. Here, you can cut off the excess and dress the cake. But cool the cakes thoroughly before dressing them, if you don't, the frosting will melt. Now, let's frost the cake.
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Like so...and it's done! You can see, it's an more abstract art, but it really shows how punchable a face that damn flea has. Now, let's cut open the cake and enjoy!"

Outtakes

There was blood used in the recipe that wasn't stated in the ingredients. Is it actually necessary?

"No. I didn't actually use Izaya's blood, so as much as I want to squish his skull between my fingers, the blood is just water with a bit of food colouring. But even I don't want to ruin a perfectly good cake with his blood. It's disgusting."

My Izaya at home is resisting. Any tips to calm him down?

"See, a rookie mistake is not drugging him first. Also, why do have an Izaya at home? That's kidnapping. Turn yourself in you psychopath."

Do you make any other kind of dessert? My favourite is shortcake topped with big fresh strawberries.

"Hmm. That's nice. I prefer *anmistsu. I'm self taught at baking, so I still need to rely on actual recipes written by people. I came up with the chocolate cake recipe myself, so you're better off following other people's recipes."

I want tips on successfully catching a wild Izaya.

"First of all, what the hell is wrong with you, second of all, if you have time to be going out catching wild Izayas, use that time to just stay home. I know it can be boring, but if everyone does their part, then the corona virus will be done in no time. Please just stay home whenever you can, every little thing you do can make a huge impact in slowing down the transmission of the virus."

What will actually happen if you mix liquids in the frosting you made?

"I suppose I didn't clarify... If you do, the frosting will turn liquidly and clumpy, and that's the opposite of what you want the frosting to be."

Why does it say you're quarantining? And if you really are, how do you pass the time?

"Yes, I am currently quarantining at home. One of our clients was confirmed to be infected by it, and even though we didn't come into direct contact, another co-worker did, so we decided to quarantine for safety precautions. And how do I pass the time? I try baking and other new things like origami and sewing. It's kind of fun to do things I never thought I'd enjoy."

"FUCK I SPILT THE PAN. FUCKKKK-"

And this is episode of Shizuo's cooking special is coming to an end!

*Anmitsu is a Japanese dessert that includes agar jelly, anko, chestnuts, sweet beans, fruits, and boiled peas topped with sweet black syrup.

A/N: Did I promise a crossover chapter? Yes. Did I forget? Yes. Did I ignore it and continue to write this chapter? Also yes.

  Sorry. I guess. I have no ideas, other than a few vague headcannons that will create serious plot holes. So, when will it come? Hopefully soon.

  Also the Shizuo and whole anmitsu thing, I remember reading somewhere that says specifically what he likes, but I don't remember where, so I googled Japanese desserts and I have a gut feeling it's anmitsu. If anyone could confirm my memory, thank you.

For reference.